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There’s still one more month left of 2021 but in terms of racing, the books have been closed on this racing year for me. It’s been hard to find the words for how I’ve been feeling since a disappointing day in NYC earlier this month. I know in my heart of hearts that there is nothing I could’ve done differently that day and that it was simply just an off-day and a product of all the logistics leading into the race that did me in but it was really tough after having poured my time and energy into a training cycle to have it end so lackluster.

Part of me is kicking myself for choosing to do NYC instead of Indy Monumental as I had initially planned for 2021, but I can’t change that now. I’ve learned a valuable lesson that there is a huge perk to a lower frills racing environment where you can sleep in and roll up to a starting line maybe 30 minutes before a race instead of 5 hours already logging 5,000 steps before even starting and sitting in the cold for 3 hours. I love big marathon majors but I think I’ve learned that if I want to run my fastest times now that I’m working to shave off a few minutes instead of 10s of minutes, logistics matter.

Moving past the race itself though, 2021 was not a fun year of racing for me. I was hopeful that after staying consistent through 2020 with my training and building a lot of strength that it would all pay off in a smashing comeback to racing after races were canceled in 2020 but that wasn’t how things materialized. For my first race back, I was signed up for the Glass City Half Marathon in Toledo. Unfortunately, volunteers turned the front pack of runners off the course that day and I dropped out of the race after we were corrected since adding a mile to a half marathon is not a way to PR. As a redemption run, I quickly pivoted and signed up for a half marathon the following weekend in Wisconsin, a short drive from home. With 40 mph wind gusts on race day, a PR was out of question again and it was another disappointing day. Putting spring behind me, I turned towards the Fall season. I raced the Naperville Half Marathon during my build-up to NYC and while this race time-wise was more indicative of fitness (1:30), I struggled hard in the back half of the race and watched a PR slip away. What was even more frustrating about this race was that another female runner had cut the course and in the results bumped myself and another runner off of the podium. We contacted the race organization who has still yet to do anything about it even though the data was all clearly there on Strava showing the course being cut. Finally, my 2021 racing season culminated with NYC, a race that broke my heart and spirit after months of being so patient and continuing to show up through a more difficult training cycle.

After NYC my first thought was to sign up for a redemption race. I recovered extremely quickly, likely because my training cycle had been really solid and I ran almost 40 minutes slower that day than what I was in shape for, and I was tempted to use the fitness in another race. But we had plans on the calendar for a week-long trip to Antigua to celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary and I knew marathon training would not be feasible while there/not something I wanted to do since the focus was supposed to be on spending time with Ross, not running a ton of miles. After talking with my coach, we agreed that the best course of action would be to turn towards a spring marathon if it’s what I wanted to do, so I leaned into my time off, ending November with 100 miles total run after my highest mileage month in October where I ran 246 miles.

Over the last few weeks, I’ve grappled with this training season and my emotions surrounding it. I’ve realized I put so much weight into running being the thing giving me joy during the pandemic and other life stressors and that when that went wrong, I felt like I lacked purpose. The funny part is, I think a big reason why this cycle didn’t go as well is because my mind was so many other places. Part of the reason my mental game felt weak this year was because I was rusty and out of practice from racing after 2020 canceled all races, but I think now that a big part of it was because my mental energy was being consumed in other areas of my life; I think that the well was dry when it came to pushing hard in workouts or races. It feels weird to talk about because by all accounts, I was handling things well but I think that’s one of my weaknesses that is disguised as a strength – being able to juggle a lot of things at the same time because as my husband pointed out to me, I will always put others’ needs first even if it means sacrificing my own well-being in the process.

I don’t believe that life will always be “balanced”, but I do think that there is only so much that each of us can handle on our plates at one time without starting to sacrifice quality of those things. We have to determine our priorities – and some of those will be pre-decided for us – but I’ve realized that with some of the goals I have in running and elsewhere that I can’t “do it all” and expect success in every area. Running is still really integral to my daily life and I’m so grateful to have it, but I can’t let my success in running dictate my overall happiness because this isn’t the last time I’ll have a bad “season”. 2021 was not the year I was hoping it would be with my running, but I’m working on making some changes to do what I can to make 2022 even better. Running is cyclical and I may have been in the “valley” this year, but that means there are only brighter days ahead as I make my way back up to a peak.

So what happened and where do we go from here?

It’s hard to want to “re-live” a race gone wrong but I’ve had to in the last 48 hours to try to figure out what went wrong while it’s still a fresh (albeit, raw) memory. My training cycle was solid – I was able to do every single run and every single workout with 0 interruptions from pain flare-ups or illness which is super rare if you’ve ever trained for a marathon before. I didn’t hit every workout and had to adjust a lot this cycle with hot and humid conditions but felt like things were starting to click when I ran a 16-miler 2 weeks out in cooler weather with 10 consecutive miles at a 6:47 average. Part of me wonders if things were clicking just a little too late and maybe I could’ve benefited from another week or two of training, but the way my body shut down on me in the race leads me to believe something else had to have been going on because that would’ve just left me a little less sharp by a minute or two, not full on implosion running over 30 minutes slower than my PR.

I’m pretty confident that the root of my problems Sunday stemmed from logistics of racing a major point-to-point big marathon. I was up at 3:30 a.m. to eat breakfast before heading to the subway to get to the library for my 5:15 a.m. bus. I was on a bus by 5:05 and we were on our way to Staten Island, but this meant getting off the bus prior to 6 a.m. and sitting around outside in 39-degree weather for over 3 hours before my start time at 9:10. I had brought layers of throwaway clothes expecting to be outside for awhile, but one thing I didn’t bring was extra warmth for my feet. My feet were so cold – lucky for me, a teammate of mine (hi, Lindsay!) gave me one of her extra hand warmers and I stuck it in my shoe and rotated it between shoes to try to warm my feet up. This helped a lot but only lasted so long.

By the time I got up to go use the porta potty one last time before entering the corral, I was shivering uncontrollably. I thought maybe it was nerves, but I was so cold. We were asked to shed our layers about 15 minutes before heading up to the start line since there wouldn’t be places to leave clothes on the bridge. The start line was surreal – we heard and felt the cannons go off to signify the start of our wave and music playing on the bridge. Being in a pack of runners at the start helped me feel warmer, but as soon as I started running, I realized my feet were still numb and I could barely feel them. It took about 3 miles for me to feel them again but within the first mile I was also dealing with a side cramp as I climbed the Verrazano. I told myself to relax and to pay attention to my breathing because this is often the cause for side cramps. It never really went away.

I settled into my goal pace after coming off of the bridge but didn’t feel as fresh as you should in the first few miles of a marathon at goal pace. If you’ve trained properly, the first 10 miles of a marathon should be relatively comfortable – you should feel in control and exerting maybe 75-80% effort. I knew by mile 6 that this felt more like half marathon effort and that I’d likely have to back off, but I was expecting my crew at mile 8 so I used that as motivation to keep up my clip and maybe if I was lucky seeing them would spark me to keep going at this pace. Sure enough I saw them at 8 but shortly after that I started stepping off the gas because I was having a hard time breathing. I have exercise induced asthma so I carry my inhaler with me just in case but this was the first time I’ve ever had to take it at mile 9 of a marathon that had good conditions. It was really early on to be having breathing problems. I started slowing, seeing 7’s on my watch instead of the 6:57’s I’d been holding consistently. If I tried to pick up my pace, my breathing would just get more out of control and I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to finish at all.

My legs felt so heavy from mile 10 onward and they completely stopped turning over. I’d try to run with pace groups that ran by, matching their pace for a minute only to let them go because I couldn’t hold on. I remember hitting the halfway point in 1:35 and knowing this was going to be the hard way to run a marathon – progressively getting slower as I went on – but I was hopeful maybe I could still hang onto an 8ish min pace and clinch a BQ for 2023. That goal slipped further and further from reality as stomach cramping took over and I started feeling really nauseous if I picked up my pace anymore than a recovery effort. The Queensboro bridge really did a number on me and I was pretty sad when instead of getting to run down the bridge on the other side after cresting it that we just ran down a short exit ramp instead. I had so many people passing me on the uphill climb here and it was disheartening – usually I’m the one doing the passing on an uphill, a strength of mine, but my body would not move any faster.

I was counting down miles to the finish. I knew my crew would be at mile 17 and that they had to know something was wrong based on my tracking time. I clutched my stomach as I ran past them to make them aware that I was dealing with stuff but kept on running. When I hit 18, I remember thinking 8 miles to go seemed like a lot but it was manageable even if I had to walk the whole darn thing. I was finishing this race and at least going home with my 4th Abbott World Marathon Major star. Please note that sometimes it doesn’t make sense to finish a race – had I been experiencing any pains reminiscent of injury pain, I would’ve called it because it wouldn’t be worth risking a long-term injury for. This was different – I knew I could finish if I kept moving slowly and that it was just an off-day. I remembered that Shalane Flanagan had to walk in London and that she had recommended walking through the aid stations if you were struggling to get you back going again. I tried this method starting around mile 19 and it helped but it was the first time I had to walk in a marathon in many years and I was a bit defeated and embarrassed by that as people were cheering me on to keep going but my body just was rebelling in every way.

Between mile 20 and 21 a woman ran out in the street after seeing me walking and cramping and handed me a 16 oz bottle of Gatorade. I don’t normally mix Gatorade and my gels on course because I’ve had GI issues in the past from this but figured this was already a train wreck and it couldn’t get any worse. I think sipping on this helped me get through the next 3 miles. There is one final bridge around mile 21, the Willis Bridge, and someone was out with a sign that said “Last Damn Bridge”. I pointed and laughed at that and thought, “thank goodness”. Convinced my crew was going to be at 23 (they had said 24 but I had a mind lapse), I kept moving not wanting them to see me walking. This pretty much kept me going except for aid stations – I was able to take all 5 of my gels, forcing the last one down at 23 knowing I’d feel better if I got calories in I even if I didn’t want it at the time. I eventually saw the group at 24 and yelled out, “2 more to go” as I entered Central Park. The Central Park hills were the first true “rolling” hills on this course. The bridges are straight up and straight down and the same with the roads. If I ever do this race again, I need to practice on more gradual mile-long slopes vs rolling hills like Boston I think because it was very different. The fans in the park really helped push me along, though. This course is completely lined with spectators and it was amazing to have so much love and support on the course from total strangers. This is one reason I love the marathon majors – the locals are always so proud of their marathon and come out in force to support it.

People aren’t kidding when they say the finish is uphill. Usually I can kick in hard at the finish of a marathon, closer to 6 min pace, but again my body just would not let me. I’m pretty sure this was the slowest 400 meter finish I’ve ever had in a marathon even though I was so ready to be done! I crossed the line in 3:41; with a first half in 1:35, that means my second half took 2:06. I felt every minute of that second half. Crossing the line we were encouraged to keep walking and I had several volunteers keep coming up to me asking if I needed help and if I was ok. I appreciated it but waved them off. I got my poncho on and again was asked by more volunteers if I was ok or if I needed a wheelchair. A wheelchair? Did I really look that bad? I eventually got to the “hill” to get out on 72nd and my body stopped wanting to move. I sat down on the side of the path and a volunteer came over to make sure I was ok. I chugged the protein shake in the bag they had given us at the finish, knowing that if I didn’t get calories in soon I’d likely end up with GI issues (I’ve found if I can get some protein in within 30 minutes of finishing a marathon that I can avoid the GI issues typically.

After drinking the shake, I continued out of the park until someone from the med tent suggested I come inside. I was freezing and they wrapped me in blankets to warm me up, stretched out some muscles, and had me eat some saltine crackers. I guess I looked as bad as I felt. When I came out of the med tent, I dropped my phone and my SIM card got loose in the phone so I no longer had service. Fortunately we had planned a meet up spot in case phones weren’t working (battery life was the primary concern, lol) so I found Ross and Lindsey and got to give them big hugs before we headed down to the subway to go back to the hotel.

Recovery so far as been pretty easy. My energy levels were normal the day after and while my body is sore from running 26.2 hilly miles, it doesn’t feel as beat up as after a typical marathon, likely because I slowed things way down. We were tourists in the city on Monday and I enjoyed walking around to shake the legs out a bit. I’m still respecting the fact that I ran the distance regardless of the time on the clock and giving my body time to recover, but trying to figure out what my next steps will be. Coming into NYC admittedly I was ready for a break from the marathon and excited to be going on vacation later this month where running was not on the schedule, but now I have a little bit of an itch to settle some unfinished business after so many months of hard work and fitness built. Fortunately I have Jessica to talk through options with and see what makes the most sense both physically and mentally for me. I don’t like to make decisions right after a race so I have just been thinking about options at this point, not acting on any impulses.

I think what I’ve taken away most from this experience is that while I love these big major marathons so much, they aren’t always the best places to run faster times at with all the logistics involved on race day. There’s something to be said for the medium-sized races that still have good competition but where you can show up to the start line less than 30 minutes before and be ready to go. I’m not sure what’s next for me but I’m figuring that out one day at a time. This experience was disappointing, but if there’s anything the pandemic taught us about running it’s that all of the work when races aren’t in season doesn’t go to waste and will be able to be tapped into in the future.

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I signed up for the Naperville Half Marathon back in July to be a goal race in my build-up for the NYC Marathon. It was 3 weeks before NYC and normally I prefer to do one about 4-5 weeks out from the goal marathon but I was limited in the weekends that I could pick for my goal race since I was hosting the Chicago Marathon meetup and had my best friend’s wedding that I stood up in a couple weekends prior to that. I had run the course before in 2019 as a workout and had a good experience at it and since it was local it was easy to get to!

The buildup to NYC Marathon has been going well but because of the hot, humid, seemingly never-ending summer in Chicagoland this year, I hadn’t really had a long run I felt great about in awhile. My paces have had to be adjusted in every long run that had speedwork in it and this left me feeling unsure of where my fitness was at going into Naperville. I talked with my coach, Jessica, the Wednesday before the race and we both thought realistically I was in shape to run about a 1:25-1:26 half marathon on a good day but recognized that these last 18 months have taken their toll in the form of stress and in just being rusty with racing, not used to being in that type of pain for awhile. My biggest goal was to go run a smart race and to compete and if the splits came, that would be icing on the cake.

I set my alarm for 5 a.m. for a 7 a.m. start time. I had a quick bite to eat and brought my UCan in the car since it was a 45 minute drive down to Naperville. I drank that around 6:15, 45 minutes before the scheduled start time. I had to pick up my bib that morning since I didn’t want to drive 90 minutes roundtrip the day before to pick it up so I was a little crunched for time when I arrived since I had a hard time getting to a parking garage with the roads shut down. I found a spot, got out of my car, and the cold air hit me. It was 39 degrees with a real feel of 36 when just the weekend before it had been a low of 73 – it was a drastic change! I started running my warm-up to pick up my bib, and realized I hadn’t grabbed my mask to go into the gymnasium to pick it up! I ran back to the car, grabbed one, and got to the gym to pick up the bib. I had prepaid for race-day packet pickup but there was a glitch in the system and they hadn’t marked me down so this process took a little longer than I had budgeted for. I had time to run a little more and do my 4 strides and got into my corral with about 3 minutes to spare which had me stressed out and adrenaline pumping a bit before I started. I kept telling myself to relax and tried taking several deep breaths knowing that it wasn’t good to be stressed on the start line.

The gun went off and I was flying forward, looked down at my watch and saw it was in the 5’s and pulled it back real fast. I tried to settle into a good rhythm – hoping to start off closer to a 6:40 pace and take it down to a 6:30 after a couple miles. I found some guys that I started working with and we ended up going through mile 1 in a 6:28 and my watch was right on with the mile marker on the course which is always a nice feeling. A little fast so tried to rein it back in for the next mile, and at this point I was nearly by myself with some people ahead and some behind. I realized it was going to be a no-man’s land kind of race – the men ahead of me were way faster than me and there wasn’t really anyone in that 6:30 pace range where I was. There was a water stop at mile 2 and I skipped it since it was so cold and early on in the race that I didn’t think I needed it. The water stop was just before a big hill that I saw would also be the same hill I’d hit mile 8 on – it felt ok now but I knew by mile 8 it was going to feel like a mountain. Mile 2 was a 6:34 and this was a good spot for me to hang out at. I felt slightly uncomfortable. I considered backing off the pace a bit but convinced myself to hang with it and maybe it would pass – sometimes the early miles running fast just don’t feel as natural and I settle into a rhythm after 2-3. We went under and underpass for mile 3 and there were a lot of spectators cheering here. Mile 3 was 6:37 and I used the energy of the crowds to keep moving forward. There was a timing mat around 3.3ish (online it says it was at mile 4 but it also says I ran 4 miles at 5:28 pace so that’s obviously not correct). This part of the course was lonely running around a high school parking lot with no fans around so I tried to trick myself and imagined running around my own high school parking lot back in the day when we’d do workouts in the winter when the track was snow-covered. It sort of worked but mile 4 clicked for me before the sign on the road which was the first mile marker this had happened at; they changed the course this year and because of how off the mile markers were after this I think maybe they were placed in their old locations. I’m not sure but GPS was fine in Naperville since it’s just a suburban town with no skyscrapers like downtown Chicago so I don’t think that was the problem.

I got to the first aid station at mile 4, clocking in a 6:31 mile. At this point the volunteers were cheering for me yelling things like “you’re the first female” which was really exciting to hear. I grabbed a cup of water and tried to down my gel quickly because unfortunately, it was a plastic cup which meant I couldn’t drink much of the water at all. It mostly ended up all over my face instead. (Side note: I don’t know why races are using plastic cups lately. They’re not good for the environment, first of all, and second of all, they’re terrible for runners because we can’t crease the top to control the liquid coming into our mouths while continuing to run!) At this point I was only 26 minutes into my race but I knew running at a faster pace would mean I was burning through my fuel faster – ideally I could’ve taken a gel at mile 5 and mile 10 but I knew ahead of time that there were aid stations at 2, 4, 6, 8, and 12 so 4 and 8 made the most sense.

Mile 5 was consistent with a 6:33 and I used some energy from fans that were in downtown Naperville to propel me along. There was also a DJ playing music along this mile and he yelled out my name as I ran by which was pretty neat! When we got out of downtown, it was pretty lonely again and there was another uphill climb to get to mile 6. This slowed me down a bit and I hit the mile in 6:40. I tried to maintain my effort here since things started feeling much harder and headed for a short out-and-back section where I had the opportunity to see who was behind me for the first time. I was still in first female at this point but could see there was a woman maybe 10 seconds back on me and gaining. I also saw another female who was maybe 30 seconds back at this point and another one shortly behind her. I focused on keeping it together. I could tell the woman 10 seconds back looked a lot fresher than me but tried to focus on my race. She ended up catching me in the next half mile or so and I tried to match the move but just couldn’t go with her; she ended up talking to someone on the sidelines who yelled out to her so I could tell she wasn’t exerting herself as much as I was and was probably pretty comfortable! Sure enough I had maintained the effort hitting mile 7 in 6:43. I knew the next mile would have the big hill in it again from mile 2 since they had changed the course to be just 2 loops of the same thing so I tried to mentally prepare for that. I took my second gel at the aid station near mile 8 and grimaced my way up the hill. 6:46. I think this hill took the life out of my legs because I was never able to fully recover after that. I kept moving, knowing I had definitely slowed down and this is when it hit me that this was the moment that would be the difference between a PR day and a non-PR day.

It’s hard to feel your goal slipping away and not being able to battle for it. At this point I was fighting a lot of mental demons wanting to be done with the race but I reminded myself that it was only 5 miles and I could finish it. I tried to give myself a mile to regroup, hitting mile 9 in 6:58, but my legs just didn’t want to go anymore. At this point I was still in the second-place female position and I figured the women behind me must have slowed down as well since they hadn’t passed me yet. I ran through the empty high school parking lot again, hitting mile 10 at a 7:00 pace and tried to do some mental math. My PR of 1:27:48 was probably out of the question at this point unless I could pick it back up to the 6:30s again but I was really proud of how I was battling and staying in it till the end. It was between mile 10 and 11 that another woman passed me running alongside a man and I tried to latch on to the back of them and go with but it wasn’t happening. They looked strong and I focused on the fact that I had less than 3 miles to go! Mile 11 clicked in at 7:12 – oof, my slowest mile of the day. We came through downtown with the cheers again and then hit a hill right at the most convenient time at mile 12! Ouch. That burned. 7:11 for mile 12. At least I’m consistent? I had to do the out and back section again where I could see if others were behind me. I didn’t see any other females and figured they must have faded so it looked like I was going to be locked in for third which was still exciting! Hitting 13 in a 7:09 but not being at the mile 13 marker was a bit rough so I focused on just sprinting it in from here. The faster I ran, the faster I was going to be done. I ended up averaging a 6:23 pace for the last .28 miles – I thought I had done a pretty good job of hugging the curves and running the tangents since I was by myself so I do think the course was a bit long, but more on that a little later. I came through the shoot sprinting seeing the clock and threw my hands up as I crossed the line. It wasn’t the race I was dreaming of but it still felt like a really big accomplishment to finish third female on tired, marathon-trained legs only 3 weeks out from the goal race before any tapering. My official time was a 1:30 but if the course was long, which I believe it to be (I’m very honest about this kind of thing – I’m not one of those people who will try to tell you that I ran over 27 miles at the Chicago Marathon – I know it’s skyscrapers messing with that!) it was a 1:29.

When I went to the results tent, however, I found out that I was in fourth place. I found the woman who I thought was in second and she also thought she was second and I was third but we accepted that maybe someone started later and finished with an overall faster elapsed time. We parted ways but later that morning she contacted me and had found the other woman’s data on Strava and saw that at the second out-and-back section she had turned into the finish shoot instead of doing the out-and-back which cut off about a half mile from her total distance. Her watch read 12.8 at the end. We submitted this to the race directors to try to verify the results since there were prizes for second and third overall female and it was a bit disappointing to not be awarded our correct prizes. They responded on Monday saying they’d look into it and as of posting this we have still not heard back which is a little frustrating.

Post-Race Thoughts

I think it makes sense to break down the post-race thoughts into two categories, things I could have controlled and things I couldn’t have controlled. We’ll start with the uncontrollable since those are easier to list.

Uncontrollables

1. The plastic cup situation. I think I drank less than 6 oz. total on the course because of these plastic cups that were filled only a third of the way and that I couldn’t crease to get water down. This really isn’t ideal for running hard and it made it really tough to get the gels down since they are so sticky on their own.
2. Running by myself. There wasn’t a good pack to run with around a 6:30/6:40 pace. The men ahead of me were either way faster (sub 1:20 shape), the people behind weren’t coming up, and the few people around me didn’t really work together and played cat and mouse with each other. When I ran my PR half at Indy and in CIM I ran with a pack for half of the race and then raced on my own the second half and this is definitely how I race best – I like to sit with a group and then pick it up like a workout. In the past this race has had faster pace groups which is why I picked it but with covid I think they had less pacers sign up.
3. The course. The course map changed after I had signed up and became two loops of the same thing instead of the usual course I was anticipating which was one bigger loop. I liked the big loop and I knew it well from racing previously so I was a bit thrown off a few days before the race when I realized it wasn’t going to be the same. It made for a little boring experience and mentally challenging to start the second loop. The course also seemed long – most people’s data I saw on Strava showed about 13.3 miles as well. When I mapped it out online, it actually showed it being 13.48 miles long so this doesn’t seem unrealistic!
4. The weather. I hesitated to mention this because it seems so picky after the Chicago marathoners got a 73-degree day for their race the weekend before but after being told by several people after the race that my lips were blue in photos or in person, it probably played a role. 39 with a real feel of 36 felt really cold to me that morning but I did feel like I heated up a bit. Fortunately there wasn’t much wind to deal with!

Controllables

1. I probably should’ve gotten up at 4:30 instead of 5:00. Lesson learned to account for things outside of your control taking up extra time in the morning to leave room to not stress out about timing.
2. My mental game. I’ve been struggling with this a lot more this cycle than in previous ones. Some of it has to do with the fact that I haven’t had a long-run workout go exactly to plan this cycle and have had to adjust all of them for hot and humid conditions. When I trained for CIM in 2019 I was hitting peak weeks in October and November because the race was in December and I had forgotten how much nicer that made the workouts and long runs! Another piece of the mental side of things has to do with not racing much during the pandemic and getting a little rusty on mental toughness. It’s like a muscle – if you don’t exercise mental toughness, it becomes weaker and weaker over time. Last year I focused mostly on running for endurance and maintaining a good base. This spring I tried racing a half and the course marshals turned us the wrong way around mile 4, I regrouped and tried to race a week later into 40 mph wind gusts which obviously didn’t go great, so I never got to really race. I try to remember that I ran a 3:14 solo marathon self-supported last Halloween as a workout (3 miles off, 2 miles on) and that helps remind me how tough I can be, but I’m still getting back into this whole racing for real thing again and it’s hard. As I’ve told several of my athletes lately, the life stress also adds up and certainly plays a role in our mental toughness, too. It’s been a hard 18 months for all of us and we shouldn’t forget that it can have an effect on our running.

Future Thoughts

Overall I’m really proud of this effort. While it wasn’t the dream “return-to-racing” day that we’ve all been envisioning after a long pandemic, it was the first time in a long time I’ve seen a glimmer of my old self who was more confident in her racing and herself. I am the strongest athlete I’ve ever been – all the work in the gym has paid off for sure – and now I just need to get my mind on board with the rest of my body for New York. I recovered the fastest I ever have from this half; the race was Sunday and I was a little sore and stiff Monday but by Tuesday all soreness was gone and by Wednesday it was like I hadn’t just run a half marathon and I attribute most of this to smart training and all the lifting but I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the fact that these carbon-plated shoes really help save the legs from as much pounding as a daily trainer. (More on that in a future post.) I am excited to race a major marathon again for the first time since Boston in April 2019 and ready to take chance on myself and see what I’m capable of! I know I haven’t peaked yet in the marathon and that there’s lots of runway ahead, but I’m truly enjoying the journey and the process along the way.

When we started 2021, the fate of races was still very much up in the air but many of us chose to continue training anyway, knowing that regardless of what came or didn’t come at the end of the cycle, it would still be beneficial for future training. Knowing an April Boston wasn’t going to happen and having just completed two virtual marathons in Fall 2020, training for another possibly virtual marathon just wasn’t very exciting to me and so I decided to turn my focus to the half marathon. It was a distance I felt comfortable potentially time-trialing on my own if it came to that and also one that I was interested in training for. I like the half marathon – it’s an event that you can still run decent weekly mileage with but I didn’t have to run beyond 15 miles for a long run. Training began in January and I didn’t sign up for a race to wait and see what might be available depending on what things looked like with vaccines, but I was targeting a “race” at the end of April or beginning of May.

Beginning Training

The first few weeks of training were really challenging. I felt out of shape and being January, there was a lot of snow on the ground and frosty temperatures. The first month or so of a training cycle I usually feel a little rusty coming off of a break but I know the break is always necessary to give my body time to recover and be ready to work hard again. I remember having to stop in a couple speed workouts early on in the training cycle, hunched over with my hands on my knees, and wondering if I’d ever feel back “in shape” again. In January and February I would often take my speed workouts indoors between icy roads and super cold temperatures that makes breathing hard in (my asthma really flares in the super dry, cold winter), but with covid, masks were required at the gym and so it was the same issue indoors – bad breathing conditions either way. I’m not complaining, I was fully in support of it, it’s just the facts of what I was choosing between. I have a basement treadmill and I utilized it a lot more this winter than I had in the past; my treadmill isn’t particularly fancy (Costco purchase a couple years after undergrad when I was on a tight budget) and I do think the speeds feel faster on it than at the same speeds on a nicer treadmill at the gym, but I was able to run on my own treadmill without a mask and so it was often a better option than trying to run hard in negative windchills.

By the end of January, things still felt pretty hard, but I was continuing to show up and try my best. When February rolled around, speed workouts started clicking again just in time for a polar vortex. This meant more time inside, including a couple long runs on the treadmill where I’d watch old marathons on YouTube to pass the time. There was a lot of snow in February, too; I swear we were shoveling the driveway every day! I was a little nervous that all of the treadmill time was going to affect my fitness, but when I ran a 5K PR (19:36) in the middle of a workout towards the end of February, these doubts quickly faded. I wasn’t gunning for a 5K PR, it was a 20 minute tempo run, but things came together and it just happened – my first negative split 5K, too! This was the reassurance I needed that my fitness was there and that training was working. Later that week, though, I set off for a 13-mile long run that became 8 miles as I felt super fatigued and like I was sprinting when I tried to hit tempo paces. I stopped so many times and remember making my way to my parents’ house because it was closer to where I was than my own home and having to get a ride home. It was frustrating but at the time I chalked it up to my body must have still been been recovering from running a 5K PR earlier in the week – looking back now I don’t think that’s what it was, but more on that later.

March started off with several strong workouts prior to leaving on a backpacking trip to Arkansas. We went overnight backpacking for 3 days hiking 40 miles in that time with 25-pound packs on our backs. Suffice to say there was no running for those days as I was getting plenty of exercise! Backpacking was easily the toughest thing I’ve ever done. When you’re in the middle of the woods with no cell phone reception or other people close by for miles, you truly feel all alone and vulnerable. There was no option but to keep moving and there were several times I fought back tears just wanting to be done and being in so much physical pain. Being in running shape really meant nothing out there – my heart rate stayed lower and I did recover quickly each day after a good night’s sleep but that’s about the only benefit I got from running! When we got back from the trip, I got back into training and felt pretty good that first week, but the week after I received my first covid vaccine which left me with some fatigue and a higher heart rate for a few days. I definitely noticed its effect on me athletically, but within a week I felt back to myself.

Committing to the Glass City Half Marathon

At the beginning of April, I finally committed to a race, the Glass City Half Marathon in Toledo, OH. I was excited to run and in-person race and one that I felt really comfortable with – they were requiring proof of vaccination or a negative covid test within 72 hours of the event. Having a race on the calendar encouraged me to keep training hard the next few weeks. Unfortunately, we got hit with a heat wave in early April (80-degrees after it had been a full winter of 10s-30s) and it really rattled my confidence when I couldn’t hit any of my splits in a speed workout. Fortunately, the weather cooled off the following week, but it only gave me about a week to feel good before I received my second covid vaccine. My second vaccine fell on the Monday before race weekend. I had considered waiting a week until after the race to get it, but came to the conclusion that it would be really irresponsible to put off my vaccine for a race when there was a global pandemic. My second vaccine knocked me out pretty hard for a couple days – I had the chills, a fever, a headache, bodyaches, and a lot of fatigue. Later on I would read that pro runners were reporting decreased performance for up to 3 weeks after receiving their second doses and I definitely felt this way. Running was hard and it wasn’t until the Saturday shakeout run the day before race day that my heart rate finally came back down again and I felt a little more confident that I might be able to run hard in Toledo.

Ross and I made the 4.5 hour drive out to Toledo on Saturday afternoon to pick up my race packet. I provided a negative covid test since my second vaccine was earlier in the week (they asked for it to be completed at least 2 weeks prior to race day or to come with a negative covid test taken within 72 hours prior), we got my packet, and headed over to the hotel. It felt so weird to be back at a race weekend again but I was excited. The weather was looking perfect for racing – low 40s with mild wind and overcast skies. On race morning I woke up early to do my ritualistic shakeout mile that I do 2.5 hours before every half marathon. It’s just an easy 10-minute mile that gets the blood flowing prior to eating breakfast. I ate my breakfast, put on my race outfit, and headed out the door to drive over to the starting area. I remember having a hard time getting there with so many closed off roads and I was so stressed that I was going to miss the start of the race. When I finally got to a parking garage, I started running to the start, but then realized I had forgotten my mask in the car which was required to be in the starting corrals! I sprinted back to the car, grabbed the mask, and then sprinted some more over to the start. I’m honestly glad I had this experience in April and not the Fall because now I’ll remember to check for the mask if it’s needed in the starting area! I lined up in Corral 1, just behind the elite corral where I could see Noah Droddy, a professional runner for Saucony, who was there to pace his fiance in the half marathon. It was so cool to be that close to the pros! My goal for the day was to run a 1:25 which was right around 6:30 pace. Fortunately, there was a pacer and I lined up behind him to hopefully tuck in and let him do some of the “work”.

The gun went off and the pacer went flying. I tried to keep my eye on him from a distance but he was pushing 6:10/6:15 pace and I knew it was a horrible idea to try to keep up at that pace not even a mile into the race. I was in no-mans land as a result with a couple people here and there but it was tough to not have a group to work with like I was hoping. Mile 1 clicked in at 6:31 which was perfect and I was proud of myself for running my own race and not getting too overzealous like the pacer. I felt smooth and settled into this rhythm, mile 2 was 6:30 and mile 3 was 6:31. Mile 4 had more incline and this split was a little slower at 6:38 but I wasn’t concerned – I was hoping to stay between 6:30-6:40 early on in the race and so this is right where I wanted to be. And then, disaster struck. At mile 4.5, a volunteer mistakenly turned around the elite corral and corral 1 and sent us running back the way we came. The elites were yelling “turn around, they sent us the wrong way!” at us, but I kept running until I saw an official volunteer who was turning people around. And so I turned…and by the time I had course-corrected I had gone an extra half mile and my goal of running a 1:25 let alone a PR was out the window in that moment. I was crushed. I tried to get my body back into things but my mind was just so thrown off by the chaos. I stepped off the course shortly before 7 miles and called Ross telling him what had happened and we both agreed that the best thing for me to do was to drop out and try to race again soon. I feel extremely fortunate that I dropped out when I did because I learned that the elites were turned around yet again later on and ended up running 15 miles which is just so disappointing. After having made the long journey out to the race, training so hard, and being excited to run my first race back since 2019, this was the most 2021ish thing that could’ve happened.

Plotting a revenge half marathon

After we returned from Toledo, I took the rest of the night to wallow and then the next day went to work figuring out if there would be another opportunity to race. Jessica (my coach) and I agreed that I should avoid traveling too far if possible since racing is hard enough on the body and throwing off your routine doesn’t help. We contemplated running a small, flat race in Wisconsin just a week later or waiting 4 more weeks and running a more local-to-me race in Busse Woods. After thinking about it for a couple days, I decided the thought of extending my cycle for another month just sounded terrible as I had built it up in my mind that I would be done and on a break so I signed up for the Wisconsin race in Oconomowoc where 3 of my friends were running the full marathon. It would be less than a week after the other half marathon but I essentially ran a 6-mile tempo run so we were hoping it wouldn’t affect me too much. I didn’t feel too great the week of the race but was eager to give myself an honest shot since I didn’t get that in Toledo.

I headed up to Oconomowoc after work on Friday to pick up my bib and meet my friends for a pre-race pasta dinner. It was our first group dinner since the pandemic began since all of us were fully vaccinated and it was so nice to eat a pasta dinner with good company again and really felt like a real race weekend! The weather was not looking so great for race day, with a wind advisory out for gusts up to 50 mph and sustained winds of 20 mph, but that’s not something I could control so I tried to just relax in the hotel that night and appreciate that I was getting another shot to run a race in 2021. Sure enough I woke up on race morning and the wind was intense, but what was more concerning to me was that my legs just felt so crampy. I have no idea why this was the case since I was fully hydrated and hadn’t spent much time on my feet the day before and I’m still not really sure what the deal was. I had to put it beside though and focus on getting to the starting line, this time leaving even more time to not be stressed like I was in Toledo.

The course was set up as and out and back and you had to provide your own hydration due to covid protocols. We set up 3 tables along the course with our water and fuel and hoped that it wouldn’t blow over in all the wind! Doing my warm-up I felt like the wind was coming from every direction and knew we’d be in for a fight. We were released in small waves with our masks on which could be removed after crossing the starting line – mine got stuck in my headphones and I probably looked ridiculous trying to get it off in my first few strides! Because it was such a small field, you were running by yourself for the most part and I went out again at goal pace, clocking a 6:24 first mile which was a little too fast for that 6:30 goal. We were headed directly into a headwind, however, and I could feel that this effort was not going to be sustainable in the weather so I tried to pull it back closer to 6:40/6:45. Miles 2-4 were between 6:40-6:47 but I developed some strong stomach cramping and pulled back on my pace further, running mile 5 in 6:56 and mile 6 in 6:59. Between the crazy wind and the cramping, I watched my A & B goals go by and it became more about finishing the race than the time on the clock. I was in such a world of hurt when I went by our friends’ families cheering before mile 6 and they told me after that I looked so mean. I tried to smile but I guess I wasn’t faking it well enough! My paces kept getting slower and slower and everything in me wanted to stop – and I probably would have had I not dropped out of Toledo and felt like I owed it to myself to finish the darn thing. Mile 10 was my slowest at 7:56, a pace slower than many of my aerobic long runs. I just had nothing left to give and my body had gone into survival mode; I let it dictate the pace and ignored my watch. I crossed the line in 1:34, a far cry from the 1:25 I had been hoping for (not realistic with this weather) or even sub-1:30 given the windy conditions. I wasn’t upset at my body because I knew it had done all it could do, but I was disappointed that this was how my spring 2021 racing season was going to end. I am, however, grateful that I did not continue my training cycle for 4 more weeks as the Busse Woods race ended up being nearly 80-degrees with 100% humidity – it would’ve been really sad to have extended my cycle just for that when my brain and body were ready for a break back in April!

reflections

This was not the smoothest training cycle for me but I’m glad it helped shake off a lot of the rust that had accumulated during the last year of the pandemic. There were a couple things I didn’t write in detail on that I believe contributed to the rocky cycle beyond the typical winter weather or cumulative fatigue that I’d like to share more about because I wish more people would be honest about some of these things to normalize them/provide more information!

The first has to do with birth control. I made the decision in January 2021 to come off of my birth control after talking with my doctor. I had been on the pill for the last 6 years and for the last few had suspected that something was not quite right with my body being on it. I had crazy mood swings, I felt depressed often for no reason, and my face had developed melasma which is a side effect of hormonal birth control. I was sick of feeling like a stranger in my own body and I wanted to test the hypothesis that I had that it was my birth control causing my hormones to be out of balance. Like any good experiment, I needed a control factor, in this case, the pill, and did not want to just jump to a different kind without ensuring that this was truly the root cause of how I was feeling. Since I was working from home for the foreseeable future, I thought it would be a good time to make the change in case I didn’t feel well or my strong period cramps/flow that I had pre-birth control came back. Fortunately, my period returned right away (I had never lost it while on birth control but had read that some women experience period loss for a few months after coming off of it), but unfortunately so did a lot of the nasty side effects like bloating in the days leading up to my period, strong cramps, and a heavy flow.

However, after a few months, my body felt like my own again. The mood swings stopped, the melasma has slowly been improving, and I feel happier overall. The reason I bring up birth control, however, is because of the effects that now having a “real” period has on athletic training and my performance. Being on birth control, you have a period, but it’s not quite the same as having one without all of the hormones regulating it in the pill. I had read the book, “ROAR” by Dr. Stacy Sims last year, and a whole section of the book is dedicated to talking about the menstrual cycle and learning how to train properly during each phase of the cycle. When I looked back on the bad workouts that I would have where I felt extra fatigued and like I was sprinting at tempo paces, I realized they were often falling in the week before my period which is during the luteal phase, or the phase where you don’t recover as easily or have as much endurance. I also get pretty bad bloating during this time now; I sent a photo to my sister who thought I looked pregnant by how bloated I got.

I have had to learn how to train to work with my menstrual cycle and not against it which is something I will take moving forward into my marathon training cycle. The luteal phase is good for a cutback week whereas during menstruation I’ll be able to push harder because it’s when estrogen and progesterone drop and women are actually most like men funny enough since it seems like the least masculine thing possible! I have also been trying to eat better to avoid the bloat that I get that is extremely uncomfortable. I get cravings for salty and sweet things and instead of reaching for the chips or the ice cream to satisfy those cravings, I’ve been trying to make choices that aren’t going to leave me extra bloated and uncomfortable. I’ve been doing a lot of research on this because going off the pill has helped me in so many ways that I don’t think I want to go back on something that could mess with my hormones again. I am going in for an annual physical this week to get some bloodwork done to make sure everything is looking good prior to starting a marathon training cycle in July; my birth control had iron in it and this is one thing I want to make sure doesn’t get affected as I have dealt with low iron in the past. I take a daily multi-vitamin so hopefully that is doing the trick but bloodwork will reveal any deficiencies that I should work on. (Note: I share this all as a personal anecdote, not as a recommendation. Consult your doctor before making any changes to medication you are taking just as I did!)

The other thing I didn’t realize would have as much as an effect on my training as it did was the second covid vaccine. Because it is so new, there wasn’t a whole lot of research done on the effects of the vaccine and athletic performance, but we are learning more now about how long things like fatigue linger in the body after receiving it. Many athletes are reporting decreased performance for up to 3 weeks after the second dose and that felt pretty accurate to me. I felt fine after a week in aerobic efforts but speedwork was definitely affected and as much as I’d like to believe I could’ve hung onto my goal pace at Toledo, I’m not sure I could’ve done it with how I felt that week after getting the vaccine. I don’t regret my decision to get it – I feel totally back to normal now and it has been such a blessing to feel safe again and get to live more normally again. I’ll be interested to read up on more studies as they come out but if we end up needing boosters in the Fall (it seems hopeful that we won’t), it’ll be something I take into consideration for the timing with running the marathon.

So, What’s next?

I’ll be running the NYC Marathon November 7th and I cannot wait to start training for it! I’ll share goals and more about the process in future posts but I think this post had enough info in it for now!

Fall Recap

I was not planning on running a virtual marathon this Fall; quite frankly, the idea of running 26.2 miles on my own without an official chip time just didn’t sound appealing or exciting to me. Little did I know back in the spring, I would end up running two.

I waited by my computer in late July to try to be one of the first 1,000 people to get guaranteed entry to a future NYC Marathon by registering for the virtual race. I had qualified for the race twice in 2019 with both a half marathon and marathon time, but when I tried to register in early 2020, they had severely limited the number of time qualifiers allowed in this year and I was shut out. I was frustrated and sad that I had worked so hard to get the time qualification for the race just to be turned away, and just settled for trying again in 2021. When this guaranteed entry via virtual marathon was announced and with it becoming harder and harder to get into NYC year after year, I decided to bite the bullet and pay the price for entry if I was able to get through the queue. Sure enough, after a half hour or so of anxiety trying to register, I was in, and then the real work began.

I emailed my coach, Jessica, July 29^th letting her know that I had gotten in and asking how we could make this work since I had already signed up for Virtual Boston. I was very clear that I was not expecting to run a personal best and would rather just be doing it to qualify, and with her help, had a plan to complete two marathons within 6 weeks of each other. This marathon training would be different from the last several races in that I wouldn’t be doing any pace work during my long runs and would stick to one speed workout a week to stay sharp, but not doing anything too crazy.

Training Log

Here is what my weekly mileage and long runs looked like from when I started the training after training for the mile all summer:

July 13-19: 44.8 miles, 10 mile long run

July 20-26: 48.8 miles, 12 mile long run

July 27-August 2: 49 miles, 14 mile long run

August 3-9: 52.1 miles, 16 mile long run

August 10-16: 45.9 miles, 14.5 mile long run (this should have been 18 but I had run a 5K race the day before in Montana and was having a rough time at higher altitude so I called it early)

August 17-23: 55.1 miles, 20 mile long run

August 24-30: 57.4 miles, 18 mile long run

August 31-September 6: 50.3 miles, 14 mile long run

September 7-13: 49.9 miles, Virtual Boston Marathon 26.2

September 14-20: 27.1 miles, 8 mile long run

September 21-27: 48.9 miles, 12 mile long run

September 28-October 4: 52.1 miles, 15 mile long run

October 5-October 11: 58.5 miles, 18 mile long run

October 12-18: 60.8 miles, 20.5 mile long run (12.5 miles outside in some nasty rain and wind, then came inside and did 8 more on the treadmill)

October 19-25: 47.4 miles, 13.2 mile long run

October 26-31: 47.5 miles, Virtual NYC Marathon 26.2

Virtual Boston

Virtual Boston was tough – it poured the entire time we were running, was very windy, and the elevation gain and loss at 1100 feet a piece was tougher than the actual Boston course itself. I set off to run about 9 min pace for it and that’s what I did but even though it was nearly an hour slower than my PR, it was a hard run. A big part of this was just not having enough miles on my legs up to this point and so it really hurt after 18 miles; that’s not a fault of the plan – it’s just the reality of having done a whole summer of speedwork hovering around 35 miles a week and then only giving myself about 8 weeks to really build up to the marathon distance. After this experience, I wasn’t really in the mood to run another marathon but knew that the guaranteed entry to NYC would be worth the grind. I had a recovery week after the virtual to recuperate and was pleasantly surprised with how quickly my body bounced back from the marathon – yes, I hadn’t raced it so my body wasn’t completely spent, but I think a big piece of this had to do with my strength training which I’ll touch on a little later.

NYC Marathon Build

After the recovery week, my first speed workout back outside did not go well at all and I dealt with a big asthma flare-up in the middle of it and ended up calling it early and walking home. I felt a little defeated, but had a feeling it was asthma, and not overtraining, that was causing my breathing troubles. For those who don’t know, I have exercise-induced asthma which means my airway often starts to close when I run. I have a non-steroid inhaler that I take before every run and it usually does the trick, but some days are worse than others and it’s unfortunately just something I must deal with when those days do happen. Wanting to test my theory to make sure I wasn’t sending my body into a state of overtraining (shortness of breath can be a sign of this, too), I decided to repeat the intervals on the treadmill to see if it induced the same problems. Sure enough, running inside in a little less dry, cold air helped and I hit every split which meant it was safe to continue with my training. My weeks went well from here on out until I hit the 20-mile run. It started off with high winds, then transitioned to high winds and rain, and I called my husband from a sidewalk at 12.5 and asked him to come pick me up because I was having 0 fun and was starting to feel a little hypothermic. I ended up finishing 8 more miles inside on the treadmill where I felt much more comfortable.

Mentally these long runs were so hard preparing for a virtual race because I would often tell myself that it was ok to give into the pain because “it was just a virtual and I wasn’t going for time.” This part was tough because I’ve worked so hard on reframing and blocking out negative thoughts when pain creeps in but that’s usually because I have a goal at the end of it all that motivates me to keep working hard. However, I really got to see the fruits of my labor from mile and 5K training come out during my speedwork sessions the last couple of months and was so proud of a tempo run I did in my last big workout running 4 miles @ 6:30 pace with no breaks or pauses and feeling like I could’ve held that for longer. I like to visualize my training like little building blocks building up a strong foundation and walls of a house and workouts like these remind me that having the long game in mind this season is going to really pay off next year when we’re hopefully racing for real again.

Picking a Course, Self-Supporting a Marathon, and Race Strategy

With the bulk of training behind me, I turned to mapping out my race course. I would be running this effort completely solo and would also need to self-support with fuel and liquids. I had done a couple of my long runs out on the Fox River Trail and loved how flat it was with minimal street crossings so I thought this would be a good spot to pick for my virtual marathon. I mapped out my route as an out-and-back and picked a couple spots that I wanted to drop off a water bottle at since I could realistically only carry about 16 ounces at a time without weighing myself down. I went with plastic, disposable water bottles that I could throw out in trash cans along the way, and that I also wouldn’t be too sad about if they were taken (well it would’ve been awful for fueling but at least I could only be out a few cents).

I talked to Jessica about a plan for the race during race week and we both agreed that mixing up the pacing would be both fun for me as my last big run of the season and also a way to distract myself from running the marathon distance solo. She suggested 3 miles at a comfortable, aerobic effort (7:50ish) and 2 miles at my CIM marathon pace (7:00-7:10). This sounded fun to me and I was on board, programming it into my watch to make it feel more like a workout.

The night before my run, I made some vegetable pasta and marinara sauce with chicken and finished it off with a slice of cake! I eat dessert often in my dinners before long runs, not before a race, but I had baked a yellow cake with cheese cream frosting that week and there are no rules in 2020!

Race Morning & Logistics

Race day was projected to be windy with strong winds out of the south and cold. It was about 34 degrees when I started and I think around 42 when I finished. It was in full sunshine so this made it tricky to pick an outfit; in 34 and cloudy I probably would’ve worn a long-sleeve top, but the sun threw a wrinkle into things and not wanting to overheat I went with a tank top, arm-sleeves, gloves, a headband, and shorts.

I had aimed to start my run around 8 a.m. so I woke up at 5:30 to get up, make some coffee and oatmeal, and to eat. This is my standard pre-race breakfast and sometimes I’ll add half a bagel with some peanut butter for protein but lately I’ve been using UCan before my long runs, so I skipped the bagel this time to not have too much on my stomach. I drank my UCan around 7:30 before leaving the house to go drop off the water bottles along the course.

I underestimated the time it would take to drop off the water bottles, planning to place them at mile 5 and mile 10 which would be about mile 16 and 21 once I turned around at the halfway mark, so I ended up starting my marathon around 8:30 instead of the 8:00 a.m. start time I had planned on. Not a big deal, though, since there was no official starting time! I took a gel on the drive to my starting point at about 8:15 to start with some extra fuel in my system.

The Race

I decided to track the race both on my Garmin and on the NYC Marathon app to make it feel more like a race effort with people following along with my progress. I don’t feel pressure to perform from others, so I made my tracking public and appreciated all the support I got from people following along! I also turned on my favorite playlist, “Running Radio” off Pandora and set off on my way! The NYC Marathon App was awesome to have in the background as it would call out my mile splits and have encouraging messages along the way from past participants talking about their experience in NYC. It was cold out – my toes got numb in the first few miles, but I hoped they would warm up as I kept going (they did). Within the first mile, I had to cross a bridge that was covered with a thin layer of ice and I had to really slow down to make sure I wouldn’t eat it. Fortunately, the pavement wasn’t slippery and this wooden bridge was the only real footing issue I had. I had printed out a race bib to wear on the course too to simulate a real experience and within my first mile, a group of women out for a run stopped and cheered me on and I smiled and gave them a big, “thank you!” Another reason I picked this route was because I knew there would be other people out running and cycling and that always gives me energy. I felt great heading into the first 2-mile pickup and ended up coming in faster than planned (6:56 and 6:49 splits). I knew that this was only the first 5 miles of the run, though and that I needed to stay smart. I had started off with a water bottle and did not need to pick the one up at 5 miles since I still had more than half of it left, so I continued and took in my first gel on the run.

The second 3-mile portion ended, and I was off again, settling into a nice rhythm. My splits were 6:42 and 6:48 here and I was happy with how good these paces were feeling. I found a trash can to throw my empty water bottle into before picking up the one I had hidden in the bushes just past mile 10. I took in another gel here, and then things got a little interesting. There was some construction on the path so I had to follow a detour that wasn’t super clearly marked and required crossing a 4-lane highway. I lost some time waiting for cars but left my watch running the whole time to get an accurate race result. When I crossed over, I saw that they hadn’t actually started the construction yet and there were just signs out, so I made note of this for my way back to hopefully avoid more waiting for cars. There were lots of trash cans along this portion of the river trail so I was able to throw out my gel packet and find a place to stash my water bottle around mile 11 to come back for it. It got a little heavy carrying around 16 ounces of water the whole time so I figured I could go 4 miles without it since it was pretty cold out.

When I was approaching 13 miles, I knew I’d be starting my faster miles again and have to turn around shortly into them since I was turning at about 13.15, but it felt good to hit that turnaround point and know that I just had to run back to my car now and that I’d finally get a tailwind since I’d been running into the headwind for the first half marathon. The tailwind felt great and I logged a 6:39 and 6:40 for miles 14 and 15. I ran back to get the water bottle around mile 16 and took in my third gel here. I couldn’t believe I only had 10 miles to go because I felt great! I lost some time chasing down my water bottle cap after it fell in mile 16 but fortunately it was in my easier miles so it wasn’t too big of a deal. Soon, the easier miles were up and I headed into my fourth set of faster miles, with mile 19 being 6:44 and mile 20 being 6:53. I was still running these faster than the planned 7:00-7:10 but the effort felt controlled with a slight push. After 20 miles of feeling great, I started feeling the wall creeping in, but told myself that I could run a 10K to finish at this point and that I was still feeling much better than I had when I hit 20 miles in the virtual Boston. At 21, I picked up the other water bottle I had left for myself and took another gel. 2 more miles to go till I would pick it up again. When the time came for that pickup, I started driving my knees and arms but they weren’t turning over as easily as they had been before. For the first time during these speed portions, my watch was beeping and flashing “slow” instead of “fast”. That darn screen, right?! Because my legs weren’t turning over, I tried to do shorter pickups instead like running hard for a minute, then easing up, etc. It helped a little and I ran mile 24 in 7:35 but I knew I couldn’t continue like this if I wanted to finish without having to stop so I backed off and settled into a more comfortable pace, hitting mile 25 in a 7:57. I was able to pick it back up again for the final mile in a 7:41 and then tried to push it for the last little bit, running that sub-7. I ran 26.26 miles to ensure that my distance would be counted since Strava has the tendency to cut off the last .01 of a run and I couldn’t imagine being shut out from the guaranteed entry because of a technicality! Finishing was very anticlimactic as I clicked off my watch and started walking back to my car. No fans, no finish line, just me, my watch, and I. Lucky for me, though, one of my former athletes, Paola, was so kind and surprised me back in the parking lot! I am so lucky to have coached people who are not only dedicated athletes but who are also amazing, kind-hearted human beings. This meant so much to me that she came out to cheer for me and was such a special way to end my training season.

The NYC Marathon app had me finishing at 3:14:50 while Garmin had it at 3:16:00. I started both at the same time so it’s a question of which distance is more accurate. I made sure to run 26.26 (a little extra) miles on my Garmin just to be sure. I did have to run past my car where I had started which shouldn’t have been the case since I went out 13.15 miles and it should’ve been at 26.3 by the time I got back to my car since I did an out-and-back, but it wasn’t! It was a little annoying to have the phone app telling me splits a little faster than my Garmin was and since both are GPS enabled devices, I’m unsure which is the most correct, but either way, it would have been my second fastest marathon ever and it was in a workout which is pretty darn cool. I think that was telling of the fitness that was maintained over the course of the last 10 months coming off CIM and of new fitness built through speed and strength.

Strava splits because data is fun!

After Thoughts

It’s been a wild year! At the beginning of the year, I had written a post about how 2020 would be a building year for me and would likely not be a big PR year like 2019 had. That has held true and I laugh looking back on that knowing what I know now. I was lucky that I didn’t have any big Fall plans that got canceled on me. I wasn’t signed up for anything beyond Boston (I had an entry to Chicago but was planning on deferring it to 2021) so I didn’t have any real plans for how I was going to spend this training season other than thinking I would be focusing on the half marathon distance and taking a little break from the marathon. That part makes me laugh the most since I ended up running not one but two marathons after saying I needed time off from them. The marathon is funny that way and always seems to draw us back.

Looking back on this race, I think the reason I started hitting the wall at mile 20 was likely because I needed another gel a little earlier to keep my glycogen stores from dipping too low which is hard to course-correct once it happens. I had planned to take 4 total over the course of the marathon at 5, 10, 16, and 21, but I think I should’ve taken them closer to 4.5, 9, 13.5, 18, and 22.5. Note that this is all based on time on your feet, not distance. It’s recommended to take a gel every 40 minutes in a marathon but from what I’ve learned, the more I can take in without upsetting my stomach the better off I’m going to be because our bodies need the calories when they’re working that hard. In CIM I held off the wall until about mile 23 but I would love to get the fueling down to a point where I never feel that (marathons are hard so it’s going to hurt either way in these final miles but being able to pick up the pace with turnover in those miles would be awesome).

Being able to run my second fastest marathon ever while not racing was pretty special. I think this tells me that my fitness was likely right around where I left off in December had I tried to race and while sure, that means I hadn’t gained marathon fitness, being able to maintain that for a year while remaining healthy and injury-free means there’s going to be a huge base to build off of in 2021. I was also able to maintain it off one speedwork session a week with all my long runs being at an aerobic effort, so add back in the speed to the long runs next year and I’m excited for the possibilities. A big part of why I’ve felt so strong lately is because of the strength training I’ve been doing. I worked with a strength coach (big shoutout to Natalie Sanger!) for 7 months to learn how to properly combine running and heavy lifting and then for the last 11 months have taken what I’ve learned and built off that. I’ve felt stronger, recovered faster than ever before, and I’ve grown to love lifting as not just a supplement to running but as an activity in itself.

Future Plans

It’s tempting to want to keep training after coming off a race that goes well thinking you’ll build fitness off of it, or after a race that doesn’t go to plan wanting to get revenge. With the marathon, both are typically bad ideas if you’ve been training for months and months because your body needs time to recover. I took 6 full days off of running after the virtual NYC, then ran less than 5 miles total over the weekend split among both days. It’s not that I couldn’t have run more, it’s that it wasn’t going to really do anything for me besides delay the recovery process. I plan on taking the rest of 2020 easier after a long training season. I’ll still be running, but my mileage will stay lower and efforts will be easier. During this time I’m going to continue with my lifting and trying out new things like Pilates or yoga classes, maybe even a spin class! Overall, I love being active and while running will always be my first love (in sport), I’ve discovered that I love being new at something too and being able to build my way from the ground up. It’s uncomfortable, but that’s often where the most growth occurs.

My big, scary goal coming off of CIM last year running a 3:07 was to go after a sub-3 marathon. While this season was anything but traditional, playing the long game has set me up to go chase after that goal next year. I’m ready to put in the work to do that next year and see how far my body can take me. But I’m not jumping back into the marathon just yet. My initial plan for Fall 2020 was to focus on half marathon training, which obviously changed when I signed up for two full marathons. The half is a distance that I believe I have untapped potential in because it’s an endurance race that has you running just slightly slower than threshold pace which is typically where my sweet spot is – I love that zone. Now that I’ve brought my threshold pace down a bit in speed training, I’m excited to focus on the half distance specifically. Nearly all my half marathon PRs have come in the middle of marathon training when I’m running on very un-tapered, tired legs. I’m curious to see what I could do when this is the goal race that I taper for and focus on. My current PR is from the Indianapolis Monumental Marathon last Fall where I ran 1:27:48 in the peak weeks of CIM training. I’d love to improve upon that and bring that time down as much as I can. I don’t have a goal race lined up for the spring, I think I’m really just going to have to wait and see what’s available next year, but right now the plan is to start training in 2021 for a spring race and to be flexible with whatever lines up and is available, or to just run it as a solo time trial. After having practiced that this season, I feel confident that I’d be ready to do it again and grateful that I spent the time conditioning my mind this season to be strong enough to take that on!

I’ve been getting a lot of questions lately from friends, family, co-workers, etc. on what I’m training for and what my goals are for Boston. It’s weird for me to be almost a month into 2020 and to not have clear-cut goals defined but my timeline has been a little different this year coming off of CIM in December. Prior to 2019, I had never raced seriously beyond October (Midwest is super dicey past that) and always had November and December as “down” months where I had decreased my mileage and just ran for fun while maintaining a base. That timeframe shifted a bit as a result of racing and I feel like I’m just now getting into more structured marathon training which has made it hard for me to be able to set new goals. This season is a little different trying to race 2 marathons in a 4-month time-span; it seems like a lot of time but it’s really not when you consider that a marathon training cycle itself is typically about 4 months long. Because of this, my goals also look a little different because I want to give my body grace trying to do a quicker turnaround and shorter training cycle. Goals give me something to chase, so here are the goals I have laid out for myself for the Spring:

Boston – The Goal Race

For anyone who has run the Boston Marathon before, you know it’s a grueling course between the hills and the unpredictable weather conditions in April. After talking with my coach and internalizing things a little over the last month, my biggest goal here is to replicate a similar effort from CIM on a tougher course (aka run a course PR). I would love to squeeze out even a small PR but if I can run a similar race on the Boston course as I did in CIM (similar time, negative-splitting), I will consider it a success for my future training goals. We’ll see how training goes over the next 13 weeks to be able to hone in on where my fitness is at and what seems realistic but right now I’m just really grateful for a body that has seemed to bounce back well from CIM and excited to get to run my favorite race in the world in April.

The Half Marathons Along the Way

I am currently signed up to run the Publix Atlanta Half Marathon on March 1^st and the Cary March Madness Half Marathon on March 15^th. Both courses are hilly and will be a good tune-up for Boston. However, they are two weeks apart so I will not be racing both. Between my coach and I, we will decide which race makes more sense to run race pace and which should be more of a workout effort (or simply a supported long run). I signed up knowing I wouldn’t be racing both but the thought of going to the Trials really excited me and the Cary course is only 25 minutes away from home and on a bunch of hills that were great training for Boston last year (I ran a 1:32 here last year in favorable weather conditions, which at the time was a PR). Right now I don’t have specific goals for the race, but I would love to run a sub-1:30 on one of these courses. My PR was set back in November at Indy Monumental (1:27:48) which was a very flat, fast course, so being able to run a 1:29 or better on a more challenging course would indicate that I’m in shape for a faster marathon. One of my goals for 2020 in general is to get more comfortable running sub-1:30 halves since I’ve only done it once before!

Beyond the Spring

I plan to take time off from structured training after Boston through May to just enjoy running and life! I qualified for the NYC Marathon through both the Indy Monumental Half and CIM so I will be signing up for guaranteed entry to the race (and hopefully getting in since they seem to limit the number of qualifiers from non-NYRR races!). Assuming I get into NYC, it will be my goal race for the Fall. I am really excited to put a big, scary goal out there for the future – I want to chase down a sub-3 hour marathon in the near future. Like Boston, NYC is a tough course with lots of hills so I don’t have specific goals just yet, but I want to chip away at that sub-3 goal and run another strong marathon on a tough course. I don’t have a set timeline on achieving this goal and respect the heck out of it, but I feel so privileged to have it be within the realm of possibility and excited to work towards it in the future! If for some reason my guaranteed entry to NYC doesn’t go through, I’ll be readjusting my plans, but I have a backup if need be – just not sharing that yet because the Fall is so far away and I’m not ready to make firm goals!

Overarching 2020 Goals

Apart from my own personal running goals this year, one of my biggest goals is to grow my coaching roster under Team Sugar Runs and pour a lot of my time and energy into my athletes. I have found my passion and this is something I want to eventually take full-time; it’s going to require a lot of work to get to that place! Chasing my own running goals gives me the energy and excitement to pour into chasing goals in other areas of my life, but I see 2020 as being more of a building-block year for myself to be able to run down big goals in the future. I would love to squeeze some PRs out of this year but I know I’ve chosen 2 races with challenging courses so I know things will look a little different! But I’m not writing that story just yet…there are still over 11 months left in the year and anything could happen!

Some Other Thoughts on My Mind

I fell in love with the marathon again in 2019 but my original goal was to spend spring 2020 working on half marathon speed again. That changed when the urge to run Boston again consumed me but I think the half marathon is a distance I have more untapped potential in as I’ve only ever focused on it for one cycle. It’s possible I may change things up in the Fall and decide to focus more on the half with the added component of running NYC and getting my 4^th World Marathon Major Star, but thankfully I don’t have to decide that just yet. I love the half marathon distance because my body has less fast-twitch muscle and likes more longer distance, but it’s a race I can run faster in and take more risks because you can always run another one in a month or so, unlike a marathon where you really only get one quality shot in a 4-6 month time span (note: there are exceptions to this rule, but generally when you’ve run race pace for a marathon, your body isn’t going to be able to replicate that effort shortly after; typically you’ll see people jump into a second marathon after a race hasn’t gone to plan and they didn’t actually get to run their race pace so their body wasn’t trashed). I want to chase sub-3, but the half marathon is tugging at my heart strings and so it’s something I’m considering. I think the marathon gets a lot of attention and other races seem to not be as glamorized or held with the same amount of respect, but I think training for any other distance at a high level requires just as much dedication and commitment (maybe just a little less on the time end of not having to run those 20+ mile runs) and these are the race distances that often make a stronger marathoner in the end.

If nothing else from this post, I think you’re probably getting the message that my mind is conflicted! My body seems to be cooperating, but my mind isn’t quite sure what it wants with this 2020 season, and that’s ok. For now, I’m going to keep following the plan and doing my workouts to be able to set myself up for whatever I decide to go after but I’ll be staying in touch with what my heart wants and communicating with my coach who will help guide the training. Ultimately the decision is up to me, but I truly appreciate having someone who is able to separate my emotions from what is truly the best decision for me with my future goals in mind!