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I knew I wanted to sign up for the 2023 Boston Marathon since I made the connection that it would be on the date of my 30th birthday and as a runner, that seemed like the coolest way to celebrate entering into a new decade. I earned my qualifying time at the 2022 Eugene Marathon, took a season off of marathon training feeling very burned out mentally after a couple tough marathons in a row, and vowed to do things differently in my Boston training cycle to avoid that burnout again. I worked with my coach of 5 years to come up with a plan that would challenge me but not push me over the edge feeling my confidence shaken in 2021 and 2022. My main goal for Boston was to feel strong running the race; I never had a time goal which was a big change from past cycles but it was what I needed after Eugene and NYC marathons that I had put so much pressure on myself for. Training-wise I never ran more than 55 miles in a week, a far cry from the 71 miles I hit in a peak week leading up to Eugene, and I always took one rest day per week; I went into Boston feeling a little undercooked vs overcooked so I think in the future I might want to peak closer to 60-65 miles again, but I never had any little niggles pop up or anything that derailed my training so there’s something to be said for that as well! This was marathon #13 and I view each marathon cycle that I do as a learning opportunity and this one taught me that I can get to “pretty good” off of 40-50 miles/week but think that I’ve identified my sweet spot for training right around consistent 50s and into the 60s for a few weeks. I strength trained about 3x/week until the last month of my training cycle where I went down to 2 days/week and then none the week of my race.

Training Cycle Complications

I’m sharing the next couple of paragraphs to encourage open dialogue among runners about topics that aren’t often discussed because they’re uncomfortable. I’ve put some disclaimers on them so if you aren’t interested, feel free to skip these sections or this blog post altogether, but it was an important part of my training cycle so I wanted to be honest.

(Please note if you’re triggered by any talk of body weight, please skip this paragraph). While mileage felt completely manageable this cycle, I struggled a lot with long run workouts. It was hard not to compare this cycle to the last time I ran Boston in 2019; that cycle clicked really well and I was consistently exceeding pace expectations vs missing them like I did this cycle. I’m still sorting through it all but I think right now it’s fair to say it was about 50% mental and 50% physical why I couldn’t hit my paces. In the summer and fall I got really strong in the gym and on the roads focusing on 5K and mile speedwork. It completely changed my body composition and while I could care less what the number on a scale reads so long as I feel confident in my own body, the way we carry our weight does have an effect on different events. I became a lot more powerful and what used to be my weakness, quick sub-threshold and VO2 max repeats, became my strength, and what used to be my strength, long tempos and endurance, seemingly became my weakness. It was baffling to me how I could knock out sub-6 minute 1000 meter repeats which used to be my least favorite workout without much hesitation anymore but ask me to hold 6:50 pace for more than 3 miles at a time and it would feel pretty uncomfortable. My body felt totally different training for this marathon and between clothes not fitting how they used to and my body not responding to paces that used to click so naturally, I spent a lot of the cycle really frustrated. I fully believe in the concept of “lifting heavy” that we see preached time and time again on social media and think it’s a big reason I’ve stayed injury free for over 4 years now, but I think that statement alone is a disservice to runners because as someone who is pretty comfortable getting uncomfortable, I was able to push myself pretty hard in the gym and as a result it totally changed how I felt running with a “new” body. I think I could get used to it eventually so this is in no way me shaming my body, I think it’s pretty incredible how strong it’s gotten, but I am not quite used to it yet with running long distance. Beyond the physical changes, not hitting my long-run workout paces week after week started getting to me mentally; in hindsight I wish we would’ve adjusted long-run workout paces to be more in line with how I was feeling vs forcing paces that just weren’t clicking. I think it’s important to be self-aware of the type of fitness you’re in and while at one point last year I may have been in sub-7 minute marathon shape, I really don’t think this cycle that it was where I physically was at and it felt very forced.

(Skip this paragraph if you aren’t interested in the female menstrual cycle). On the topic of physical changes, another thing that has really started affecting me in the last couple years is the week before I get my period. As I’ve shared before, I went off of hormonal birth control back in January 2021 as it completely messed with my mental health and was not healthy; I’ve later realized it was likely the cause of chronic migraines as well as I have not experienced them since I went off of it. This isn’t a PSA to go off of your birth control – I talked to my doctor about this before making any changes – but after talking with many women and my husband about it, it seemed like the right choice for me at the time. Mentally, it’s been the best decision I ever made, physically it’s come with some new challenges that I haven’t found a good solution for yet. In the week leading up to getting my period, I now get pretty awful PMS symptoms such as tiredness, bloating, and an elevated heart rate which makes efforts feel even harder. My half marathon fell in this window and I went out at goal pace and paid the price for spiking my heart rate too early and crashed and burned so it was a good lesson for Boston which was four weeks later and also in this timeframe. When I felt similarly in the week leading up to Boston, I knew I needed to make an adjustment ahead of time to race expectations to still have a really fun day while respecting where my body was at. Carb loading during this time was very unpleasant as every website will tell you to avoid pre-period bloat to cut out your carbs and sodium…both of which you’re supposed to be increasing your intake of pre-marathon. I did the carb load and drank my Skratch anyway; I knew I was already going to feel gross and feeling under-fueled would just make things feel even worse so I had to embrace the bloaty belly.

Race Expectations & Recap

Knowing the above with how my training cycle went and talking with my coach, we agreed that a 7:10-7:15 pace was more appropriate for where my body was at on a good day. Running a shakeout run the day before the marathon solidified to me that I’d need to take it out easy if I wanted to get through the marathon still feeling strong and happy about the effort. I had so much fun getting to see my teammates and fellow coaches and felt the magic of marathon weekend in the air so while I was disappointed knowing going in the race wouldn’t be at that previously discussed “good day” pace, I was at peace knowing that this weekend was much bigger than me and that I was really just grateful to be there. I also looked back on my goals when I started the cycle – to feel strong running a marathon again – and that kept me grounded beyond a pace.

On race morning, I took the bus to the start with my athletes (and friends!) Megan, Sandee, and Karly. We ended up splurging for a club bus and it was more than worth it as we got to sit inside and stay warm instead of having to stand outside at athletes’ village which was a little damp and cold. There was a lot of nervous, but excited, energy on the bus. It still didn’t feel quite real that we were racing Boston!

We left the bus for athletes’ village where we spent all of about 5 minutes before having to head to the start line. We did a quick stop at the porta-potties and then while throwing on ponchos as the rain started to come down, Megan mentioned to one of the volunteers that it was my birthday which resulted in everyone singing happy birthday to me. I couldn’t help but tear up; this is why I love this race so much – it’s much more than a time on the clock – it’s the people who make this race what is is. After the singing, we hurried over to our corrals with little time to spare and it was much more chaotic of a start than what I remember from 2019. I think there is something to be said for starting in the first corral of a wave; in 2019 I started in wave 3 corral 1 and so I was there when the gun went off for our wave and could feel that race day anticipation. This year, I was in the back of wave 2 in corral 7 (there are 8 corrals) and so we did not hear a gun go off and basically just started running as soon as we got up to the start. It was very anticlimactic compared to 2019! The other downside to being in the back of a wave is the congestion; because they wait between the waves, when I was in corral 1 of wave 3 in 2019 I felt like I had plenty of space to run and didn’t know what people were talking about when they said the first 7 or 8 miles of Boston felt congested. This year, I certainly understood what they meant. My first mile was a 7:52, and unless I was weaving in and out of people or hopping on sidewalks like I saw some women do, it was impossible to move any faster. On the plus side, that keeps you from going out too hard, but had I actually wanted to hit my splits it would’ve been a little frustrating this year. It worked out that I was just running off of effort for this race as the congestion kept me within myself and I eventually found paces in the 7:30s that felt pretty comfortable; it would appear that this is where I’d stay for most of the race.

I’ll admit that a few miles into the race I was nervous about even being able to finish. My heart rate was already high in mile 1 and I felt so bloated and uncomfortable. I think what helped me get through the first few miles was reminding myself just how lucky I was to be running this race and what a special way it was to celebrate my birthday. I tried to engage with the fans, smiling at them as we ran by, knowing that smiling can make things feel easier, too which would benefit me! I can’t remember exactly where it was but around mile 5 or so Megan came up behind me and yelled, “hi birthday girl!” and we got to share some miles together. She looked so comfortable and so strong and I made sure to tell her to leave me behind if I started to fall off of her pace; she was ready for a big PR and I didn’t want to get in the way of that! She did move ahead eventually and I kept her within eyeshot for awhile which was helpful to pull me along to some of my fastest splits of the day in the 7:20s. I don’t remember Wellesley College being as early in the race as it felt this year but it snuck up so quickly! The scream tunnel is electric – you can’t even hear yourself think! Wellesley is always a boost into the half marathon in the downtown which I came through in 1:39 and change. At this point I knew I was going to finish the race and had found an effort comfortably within myself to do it. My next point of motivation was knowing Ross and Jack, my brother, were going to be somewhere close to mile 16.5 or 17. I focused on running strong to them, wanting to at least appear like I was having a good time! I kept a really steady effort through when I saw them, just before the first Newton hill, and smiled so big at them when I spotted them! This gave me the boost to get through the four Newton hills which I counted in my head as we went up each one; as one positive note, I ran Strava PRs through this segment this time around so although the race itself wasn’t a course PR for me, I ran the Newton hills stronger than I have in the past so that was a big win!

Unfortunately the hills seemed to finally take their toll and I slowed down closer to the 7:50-8:10 range from mile 17 to 26. It wasn’t a huge drop-off but I just couldn’t get any turnover anymore in my legs. I think in the future I’ll want to practice a little more faster downhill running when I train for Boston again as I’d love to be able to hammer those final miles after Heartbreak but just couldn’t find the extra gear this time around. Despite slowing down, the last hour of the race flew by for me and I soaked in the sounds of the crowds cheering as we got closer and closer to downtown Boston. I’ve run four of the six majors so far and this one always has the most crowd support lining the course; you can’t help but keep moving even when you’re tired because the crowds will carry you along! I made the historic right turn on Hereford and by the time I got to the top of it, was throwing my arms up trying to pump up the crowds before making that left onto Boylston. Having run the race before, I knew how long that Boylston stretch feels, and I just wanted to get to the finish line to be done running! I threw my arms up at the finish, crossing officially in 3:24:06, and was proud of the effort I gave on the day. A BQ at Boston on your birthday isn’t too shabby, either!

Getting back to Ross and Jack felt like an eternity because as soon as I stopped running, my quads tightened up and it was a very slow go! On the course the wind didn’t feel so bad but it got pretty gusty walking through the finishing shoot and I got so cold being wet from the rain/sweat. Fortunately, about a half mile later, I met up with them and hopped into a mall connected to our hotel to warm up! I don’t think I’ve ever showered so quickly after a marathon; it was nice staying close to the finish area this time around! As any classic post-marathon shower goes, I found the chafing spots as they stung with the water hitting them! I had body-glided pre-race but the rain definitely washed some of that away and I was eternally grateful for the aid station volunteers who were holding out popsicle sticks with Vaseline slathered on them mid-race to help with some earlier than anticipated chafing!

Post-Race Reflections

I’ve gone through a mix of emotions since the race. I am a little bummed that I didn’t get to race to my full potential on race day, but I know that I raced within myself and gave it everything I had that day. I’m not disappointed in that; I didn’t go out too hard and I was pretty self-aware of where my fitness was at so I didn’t have unrealistic expectations. I wish it would’ve felt more comfortable than it did at least in the first few miles, but every marathon is a new learning opportunity and from this one I learned that I can still be proud of a race even if it’s not a new PR. I had so much fun running Boston this year; I’ve really nailed down my fueling on course and I never felt like I hit a wall in the race so that alone is a valuable piece of the puzzle of marathons. It was the best way to ring in my 30th birthday and to snag a BQ on top of it was just icing on the (non-existent) cake! (Don’t worry, we celebrated with cake on Easter the weekend before!)

I’ve seen some people talking about the weather as being super windy and wet; while it’s true that it did rain on us multiple times during the race, at least having trained through a much windier winter the wind didn’t seem to bother me a whole lot and by all accords low 50s and a little rain is pretty standard and manageable spring marathon weather in my opinion. Would it have been nice for it to be dry and to have a tailwind instead of a headwind? Absolutely! But I don’t think the weather this year had a big impact on the race as evidenced especially by the pro marathon times which would usually be affected if the weather was poor.

On paper I’ve been in a bit of a rut the last couple years and admittedly that’s been really hard to deal with emotionally, but I’m putting the pieces together and I know one day it’s all going to come together and click and all the patience and consistency will be worth it. I’m not quite sure what’s next; I’m signed up for Chicago in the fall but haven’t decided if it’s going to be a goal race for me or not. Fortunately I have a little time to make that decision! I have some things I need to work on with my body to feel both strong and comfortable in distance running again so I’m trying to navigate that with help from my doctor and also in the gym doing things differently in the off-season. The spark for marathoning is back and that’s the greatest gift this cycle could’ve given me after feeling so burned out by the distance this time a year ago. The best is yet to come and I’m going to keep working hard to find that magic feeling on race day again!

It’s been awhile since I had the mental capacity to write more about my training, but I feel like I’m finally in a place where I can talk about it without getting sad or frustrated. It’s no secret that the last couple of years have been really challenging racing-wise for me. I’m not going to rehash it all here (if you’re interested, starting with the Glass City Half, NYC Marathon, Carmel Half Marathon, and Eugene Marathon are the recaps I’d go back to) but to sum it all up, I haven’t had a race that I’ve felt really good about since CIM in 2019; it’s not just because it’s my PR, I just really feel like things haven’t clicked and felt as smooth since that day in Sacramento. After getting covid in Eugene, I felt like the nail was in the coffin for my running for awhile, and in many ways, it was. I dealt with what we’re now calling “long-covid” in my running, even if it wasn’t showing up in my daily life. For 10 weeks after getting sick my heart rate was sky high on runs and I could barely run my easier paces without having to stop. Fortunately things started to turn around about 10-12 weeks after being sick and I’ve been able to start training at the level I want to again, but on my own terms.

Prior to getting covid in Eugene, I knew I needed a break from marathon training. I had actually told my coach before I ran the marathon that I was likely going to take a break from all structure for a little bit to find the love for training again, which isn’t exactly the kind of mindset you should be in before going after a big goal. I’m not sure why but somewhere between December 2019 when I was at my peak at CIM having just smashed my marathon PR and the end of 2020, my mental game became so weak. I started off the beginning of the pandemic eager to hop into a summer of virtual time trials and speedwork but I think the weight of everything going on around me really caught up and the outside stress bled into my training. I went through a lot of changes personally during the pandemic – how I viewed the world, career changes, etc. – and all of this added up. I lost the ability to push myself to my limits because I didn’t have the mental capacity to take on more discomfort.

I had been struggling with the question of who I am apart from my training. I realized just how integral running had become to my life and while that’s not necessarily a bad thing, I had unintentionally made it nearly my whole identity instead of just a piece of me, so when things began to go wrong in races, it meant my whole world seemed to come crashing down instead of just this piece of my life. I was frustrated after leaving the corporate world to take coaching full-time and therefore setting my own schedule that things weren’t clicking in my training since I had more time to devote to training and recovery. When my own running wasn’t going well, it was equally challenging to then have my whole career now be focused on running and never have much time away from the sport. It was an unexpected “consequence” of making my passion my career and while I do not have any regrets now 9 months removed from making it my full-time job, it’s something I wish I would’ve known ahead of time so I could mentally prepare myself for it and learn how to separate my own running from the business side of running. It’ll be a piece of advice I pass along to other coaches in the future who ask about taking their coaching businesses full-time!

This summer has been one of my favorite yet because I am still enjoying running but am not gone for 2-3 hours at a time on the weekend with long runs or being too exhausted on the weekend to want to make plans with friends. I started with no goals, which I quickly realized is not how I’m wired, and have transitioned to a periodized training block for quicker speed in the mile/5K but without the pressure of a race on the calendar and the time commitment needed for something like a marathon. I can still run a nice volume (40-50 miles a week) but my long runs are 10-12 miles now instead of 18-22. I hopped into a local 5K in August to test my speed and was pleasantly surprised with just how much fun I had; it didn’t matter that it wasn’t a PR, but to me, it felt just as special as one to finally have that excitement about racing again. I think I really needed this season to reset and refocus on why I love this sport and be ok with it evolving to meet me where I’m at. I’ve stopped comparing myself to former running selves and instead just want to focus on feeling strong in my workouts, knowing that the times will come when I’m happy and have taken the pressure off.

I get tempted to sign up for a race now knowing I have the base to do it, but I think I’m sticking to the plan of continuing to train for the shorter distances this fall prior to beginning to train for Boston in December. Boston actually falls on the date of my 30th birthday so I haven’t decided yet if I’ll run that more for fun or if I want to make it the goal race of the season, but the fact that it’s now a question is a big change from where I was just a few months ago when I was convinced it would just be a fun-run effort. I do think I’ll hop into a local 5K again pretty soon and have plans to run another mile time trial in a few weeks, but I am not lying when I say I have nothing currently on my calendar. I’ve been writing a training plan weekly for myself but giving grace to be flexible with needing to move things around based on how the week progresses, how I’m feeling, and what opportunities pop up (i.e. we went to Orlando last week for my grandma’s 80th birthday and I ended up clearing my calendar of workouts while we were there and just did what felt right while we were gone). This isn’t what I’d do with a real goal on the calendar but I’ve realized I am just as much of a runner in this more flexible season of life as I am when I’m more structured in my marathon training. This season has allowed me to find the joy in running again and also bring my confidence in myself as a runner back. PRs are great but I’d argue that feeling strong and powerful in your body is worth way more to your overall happiness.

Race Strategy Going In

I had my race prep call with Coach J the weekend prior to Eugene and during it we talked about the cycle and a plan for the marathon. At the beginning of the cycle, I had been chasing a sub-3 hour marathon, but nothing really clicked this cycle and I wasn’t feeling very confident. The plan was to start with the 3:05 pace group instead and then if I felt good around mile 16 to start picking it up. It wouldn’t be a sub-3, but I should be running within myself for that first part of the race and hopefully have enough energy to close strong or at least hang onto the group. I felt comfortable with this plan and on Tuesday of race week, had a confidence boosting workout that made me think maybe I was fitter than I thought I was and gave me hope going into the weekend.

Friday

We took a morning flight to Portland from Chicago since there weren’t any direct flights to Eugene. After a very turbulent 4-hour flight, we landed and rented a car at the airport to drive 2 hours south to Eugene. We got to the Airbnb shortly after 2 p.m., got a little organized, and proceeded to take a nap; I wanted some extra rest for the race and Ross had been traveling for work on the East coast through Thursday so he was pretty tired as well. Around 5:30 we headed to downtown Eugene to get my race packet and try to grab a snack before The Rambling Runner live show with Peter Bromka at 6:30 (aka 8:30 Central Time where we came from). I got to meet one of my teammates, Kristin, and the live show was cozy and intimate in a small local running store; we even got to stick around after and talk to Peter and Matt! After the show ended around 8, Ross and I swung by the grocery store to pick up food for the weekend. Part of the reason I wanted to rent the Airbnb was so I could cook my own food to stay in my routine through the race. We had a late dinner of some pizza and salad and then went to bed.

Saturday

I was co-hosting a Team Sugar Runs Shakeout Run Saturday morning at 9 a.m. which meant plenty of time to sleep in and eat some breakfast. We met everyone outside of a local coffee shop, went for a 20-min shakeout, and enjoyed some tasty coffee afterwards! The weather was cool but humid, something I haven’t experienced in a long time, but my body felt ok. After coffee, Ross and I went to drive a couple of the hills on the course so that I knew what to expect for race day; the mile 4.5 hill was gradual but not too bad, the mile 9 hill was steep and .3 miles long so I knew I’d just have to focus on powering up it and then be rewarded with a downhill on the other end. I was feeling ok about these hills since they were the only ones that showed real elevation gain on the course map so we didn’t drive more of the course; I’d see it tomorrow.

I had wanted to do more of the Rambling Runner live shows Saturday but made the call to just relax at the Airbnb to save my energy for the race; it’s fun to do all the things but I was afraid of zapping all my energy too early, especially since I’m more introverted by nature so social outings can zap a little more energy for me! Ross and I hung out and watched TV back at the house and around 4 p.m. went to my athlete Megan’s hotel room to get some race braids done! She lives an hour away from Eugene and her hair stylist is local to the area so she offered to get my hair done; I usually do a french braid myself the morning of the race but after this experience I think I might get someone to braid my hair professionally before a big marathon from now on! It stayed in so well and was so fun to feel fierce and confident on the starting line with pretty hair! I made my typical pre-race dinner of spaghetti and marinara with some meatballs, we watched some Disney+ before bed, and then I tried to get some sleep before an early alarm the next morning (4:15 a.m.).

Sunday

Race morning! I woke up with some nerves as is normal for race morning but had a hard time getting my food down as a result. I ended up eating 1/4 of my bagel, nibbled on some oatmeal, and got down some sips of UCan. Fortunately I had been carb-loading for 3 days at this point so I had plenty of carbs to go around but I was hoping to have topped things off a bit more in the morning; I just couldn’t get the food down without feeling like I was going to puke.

We picked up a couple teammates of mine (the two Katie’s!) on the way over to the start line and were able to find street parking easily. Race weather was pretty ideal with 45-degrees at the start and almost no wind, the only downside was 95% humidity but I was hoping with a lower air temperature that it wouldn’t matter. We hung out in the car for a bit to stay warm and one of my athletes, Maggie, joined us. I had a gel around 6:30 and was fortunately able to get that down for some extra fuel before a 7 a.m. start. Maggie and I headed over to the porta-potties for one last bathroom stop, said good luck, and parted ways. I had my throwaway clothes on and realized I was so close to the car that it would be a waste to get rid of the clothes for this race so I was able to hand them to Ross before getting into my corral. Kristin was in my corral as well and we had similar goals for the day so we were able to start together; it’s always nice to have a friendly race at the start of a race! The gun went off and not far behind we crossed the start line to go!

I had lined up behind the 3:05 pacer (7:03 pace) and was focusing on just running with this group to begin. I knew the race started on an uphill so I wasn’t surprised when we started climbing and fortunately it didn’t last very long. My breathing was in control but I did feel like we were moving a little fast; with most of my runs, it takes me a good 2-3 miles to really get into things so I assumed that’s all this was and carried on. We hit the first mile in 6:58 which was a little fast but really anything under 5 seconds I’d consider excellent pacing. The first part of the course goes through some industrial and residential areas so there weren’t as many fans and I focused on just running, staying within myself and staying with the group. Mile 2 was a 6:57 which was consistent with the last mile. I still didn’t feel amazing but continued to relax and run with the group, hoping the feeling would pass. By mile 3 we had settled into the low 7’s, running a 7:02. I knew that the next couple miles would bring some uphill climbing after having driven the course the day before so I didn’t freak out on these when things suddenly felt harder. We made it through with a 7:01 fourth mile, I took my gel around 30 mins, then hit a 7:02 fifth mile and things flattened out again. We were headed back towards campus town and the pacer was doing an excellent job of holding a steady and accurate pace. Mile 6-8 were 7:00, 6:59, 7:02 respectively. Between 8 to 9 was where the big hill was and we surged up it, or so it felt like we were even though our pace was slowing down; it’s a steep grade for .3 miles (gained 68 feet in that .3) but the other side of the hill is a steep downhill that you can make up some speed on. I’m not great at running fast downhill so I felt like the pace group took off but I told myself to stay within myself and controlled knowing I’d catch them on the flat. Sure enough, I reeled them back in. At 60 minutes I took another gel and shortly after saw the elite men half marathoners coming in to the finish. I don’t love seeing a half split from the full and at this point we still had about 17 miles to go! Mile 9 with all its elevation changes was a 7:04, but still pretty consistent with the rest of the miles.

I knew Ross would be close to mile 10 and I was planning on tossing my handheld to him there. This was the first marathon I’ve carried a handheld to start with carried with Skratch in it for extra electrolytes since I’m a heavy sweater. I felt like it was so heavy in my right arm and my shoulder actually hurt from carrying it again so I’m not sure if I’ll do this again, but it was nice to control how much liquid I was getting in when with the cups everything just kind of splashes all over your face. This is where it would be nice to be an elite and have your bottles ready for you and be able to toss them off when you were done! I saw Ross shortly before mile 10, tossed the handheld to him, and we hit mile 10 in 7:06. Somewhere between mile 10 and mile 11 on an open road with no fans, I began losing contact with the pace group.

I hit mile 11 in 7:10 so not far off from what the pacing had been but the group was pulling away from me. I tried putting in a surge, then another one, but it felt like my legs just wouldn’t turn over anymore and my breathing was off. This was so early on in the race to be hitting a wall and it wasn’t for lack of nutrition or for going out too hard so it was incredibly frustrating. I still had 15 miles to go which is a longer long run. I started having some people pass me on the open road and had a headwind here; it wasn’t much but it felt like a lot between the getting passed and the slowing pace. I tried to stick with the few people passing but my body was not letting me. I hit mile 12 in 7:43; to be honest, I was surprised I was still hitting sub-8 at this point because it felt like I was barely moving. Somewhere around this section Kristin came up on me from behind and we exchanged a few words; “I hit the wall at mile 10,” I said, “I don’t know what’s happening.” She tried to encourage me and I tried to stick with her but it only lasted for maybe 30 seconds before she pulled ahead and I cheered for her to keep going because she looked strong. I held steady for another 7:43 mile 13 and crossed the half marathon in a 1:34. At this point, A goal of sub-3:05 was certainly out the window and B goal of hitting a new PR running under 3:07 meant I’d have to run a faster second half than first half which didn’t seem possible with how awful I felt.

Fortunately I had a C goal to keep me going – to hit the BQ for 2023; Boston 2023 falls on my 30th birthday and it’s been a dream for several years since I found that out to ring in my 30s by running the marathon. This is what kept me in this race when everything in my body was telling me to stop and drop out. I considered it for sure, but I thought about how I’d have to run another marathon to qualify when I had already run half of one so far and could hold it together enough to finish, and I thought about Ross and how he came out here to support me all the way from Chicago and what a waste it would be to drop out and have made the trip out here for nothing. With more people coming up on me, my pace picked up a bit and I hit mile 14 in 7:31 and mile 15 in 7:33. I was counting down every single mile to go at this point. I had planned on taking a gel every 30 minutes and only carried 5 which would’ve been enough for this so when I slowed down, this threw my fueling plan off a bit. I was downing extra Nuun and water at every aid station, feeling like I could never get enough liquid in. It was 95% humidity at the start and I wonder if this got to me even with a cooler air temperature since we hadn’t had any consecutive warm, humid days during my training cycle. I had to readjust when I took my gels so that I’d have enough fuel for the rest of the race and made sure to take in the extra electrolytes from Nuun for the extra time I was spending on my feet. Mile 16 was my last sub-8 min mile of the day in 7:42 and then the last 10 miles were some of the most grueling I’ve ever run.

The back half of the race course was incredibly boring. There were barely any fans on the river trail, there weren’t many people around to run with, and I felt like I was on a bad long run. I saw Kristin close to mile 16 again on an out and back section and cheered for her as she passed by going the opposite direction. My pace hovered in the low 8’s for the next several miles, 17-19 were 8:02, 8:08, 8:05, about the pace I’d run a comfortable long run at in training only this did not feel comfortable at all. When I got to mile 20, this is where things started to get a little dicey and I was a little afraid I might not finish. I felt like I was going to black out at mile 20, getting a little dizzy and things going a little dark temporarily. Being only a 10K away from the finish and having about 63 minutes to still BQ (I remember doing the math on my watch at this point), I knew I could do it if I kept putting one foot in front of the other even as I got slower. Around mile 21, we came off of the bike path temporarily and there was a man handing out whiskey shots in his front yard; it made me want to vomit, but I didn’t fortunately. “5 more miles, Katherine, you can do this.” Miles 21-24 felt like eons (20-24 split: 8:15, 8:23, 8:13, 8:39, 8:24). The sun came out briefly around mile 24 and it felt warm; I was grateful when the cloud coverage came over again. At this point, I knew I’d finish, and when I hit mile 25 in 8:26 I tried to run a little faster but the turnover just would not come back. I focused on just shuffling to the finish line because I needed to cross it for the BQ. I hit 26 in 8:18 and then tried to pick it up to finish strong into the stadium.

Coming into Hayward Field was amazing and an experience I’ll never forget. I remember looking up into the stands, then hitting the track and feeling the softer surface and powering myself to move faster and faster trying to channel the energy from the crowd and thinking of all the fast athletes who have raced on this track over the years. I threw my fist up as I crossed the line, grabbed a medal, then hunched over on my knees so happy to be done. I had someone take my photo down in the finish area and then made my way to the refreshments through the stadium. I was so thirsty and downed the whole bottle of water they gave us in no time; I couldn’t find any electrolyte drinks anywhere and instead chugged some chocolate milk to get my protein in for muscle recovery. We walked up a bunch of stadium stairs (cruel after a marathon!) and all I could find was beer which is not what I wanted in that moment. I felt out of it and a little sick, so I sat by myself for awhile in the stands until I had the energy to call Ross to meet up. Once I found him we watched the finish line for a bit waiting for my athletes to come through. I was able to see Maggie afterwards and we talked about how we both felt out there – the course had about 500 feet of gain and loss which was a little more than I was expecting so I wouldn’t consider it totally “flat” as advertised, but what struck me more is even she commented on the humidity and she’s from Miami, so that tells me it was definitely in the air that day. (She still ran a PR, taking 7-mins off going from 3:52 to 3:45!)

Reflections

I’m still going over and over in my head what could possibly have gone wrong on Sunday and it’s confusing and disappointing. It’s been over 2.5 years since my last marathon or half marathon PR and that’s been hard to stay motivated through this rough patch; I was optimistic that Eugene would be the day I finally broke out of the rut but my body had other plans. A few thoughts I have upon reflection:

1. Maybe I was overtrained. I wanted to try higher mileage this cycle and did so successfully staying healthy and injury-free, but I never felt like I had that pep in my step and didn’t feel good on any of my long-run workouts this cycle. It’s possible between all the miles and the lifting that I did too much. Usually over-training is also accompanied by inadequate nutrition, lack of sleep, and signs like a missed period, none of which I had. Working with a RD this cycle meant I was on top of all of my nutrition, eating to fuel my training, and my menstrual cycle actually normalized after it had been getting longer and longer last year. Overtraining signs also include feeling tired all the time and potentially even being depressed which are both things I did not experience this cycle but after talking with Jessica, we both agreed maybe we caught it early enough to avoid going over that ledge but it still left me a little overbaked by the time I made it to the starting line.
2. I’ve come so far in just the last 3.5 years. September 2018 was my first BQ (3:28) and since then I’ve run 5 total BQ times. Sunday’s race of a 3:21 would’ve been a time I could only have dreamed of back in 2018 and that helps me keep things into perspective a bit. I can still be disappointed that my fitness didn’t show this weekend but how far I’ve come that a “bad day” can now still be a BQ time; that’s something I won’t take for granted.

Moving Forward

I’m taking time to think about what’s next for me. Before this cycle was up, I had told my coach that I wanted to take a break from structured training for a bit hoping to find that spark again after a couple years of not feeling like I’ve progressed (which is false, all this work is base building but it’s tough to keep at it when you don’t see the fruits of your labor), and while I do think I’ll take a little break since clearly my body needs it, we have an idea for what’s next (but not sharing that yet because I reserve the right to change my mind lol).

I think what I’m most disappointed with is that even after making a better schedule for myself having taken coaching full-time and no longer trying to balance a full-time job, a full roster of athletes, and my own training, my times didn’t improve. I’ve been able to sleep more, stress less, and train more and in my mind that would mean improving in sport. But it could have also meant doing too much and maybe my schedule before prevented me from being able to do all of the things which in turn may have been a good thing! What’s important is that this was a learning opportunity (thanks, Coach J for the reframing) and we knew going in this could be an experiment that could go really well, or not as well as hoped, and unfortunately, I landed on the wrong end of that. I accept responsibility for that and now I know what the limit is and what works best for my body!

Running humbles us and I’ve been reminded once again that this journey will never be linear. I’m proud of running my fifth BQ-time, but I’m really itching to be the athlete I was back in 2019 again. And maybe that’s the problem. I’m not that same athlete anymore after the pandemic so I need to start becoming the athlete I want to be in 2022. It’s good to look back, but the rest of our story takes place in the future and that’s where the focus needs to be right now.

The Carmel Half Marathon was intended to be a tune-up race for me 3 weeks out from my goal marathon. I’d be racing on tired legs still in the peak of marathon training but hoping to get a little confidence booster going into the Eugene Marathon on May 1st. As race week rolled around, the forecast loomed over us with things not looking good for race day. It was forecast to be in the low 30s with strong wind, overnight rain and snow, and snow showers on race morning. I hoped throughout the week that things would change but they unfortunately held steady. The biggest concern for me was that the roads might be icy with overnight wetness and freezing temperatures in the morning; it’s one thing to race in the cold and wind, it’s another to race on black ice.

Half of Ross’ extended family lives in the suburbs of Indianapolis and when I picked this race, we made plans to see everyone as it had been many years since we had gotten together due to the pandemic. Seeing what the weather was going to be like Saturday, I would likely have skipped making the 3.5 hour drive one way from my home in the Chicago suburbs to Carmel since it’s extra stress on the body to travel and for a race that wasn’t the “goal”, it might not have been worth it. Since we had plans, however, I was going to run the race regardless so I went in with a few different plans after talking things through with my coach.

Plan A: 6:30 pace for the half if the conditions were right. It was unlikely we’d be able to go after Plan A but good to talk about nonetheless based on workouts in the cycle.

Plan B: 6:50-6:55 pace, aka marathon pace. If conditions weren’t great but it wasn’t icy, the plan was to go out at marathon pace and try to hit that for the half.

Plan C: Just run the mileage and don’t get hurt. If the roads were icy, it wasn’t worth risking an injury so the plan was going to be just to run the 16 miles I had planned for the day and then hit some harder workouts the week after.

Friday

We left home around 1:45 p.m. on Friday and arrived in Carmel around 6:30 p.m. with the hour time change and only 1 rest stop along the way. The drive took a little longer than we anticipated with traffic but for the most part it was smooth sailing. When we got to Carmel High School where the expo was, the plan was to get in and get out to get to the hotel to eat dinner. The expo was smaller and well-organized so it was easy to be in and out within 10 minutes. We stayed at the Renaissance which was only 1.5 miles from the start/finish line and one of the official race hotels. The hotel was also hosting a pasta dinner which we were able to get reservations for the day of which was very convenient (in fact we got to the hotel around 7 p.m. and got seated at 7:15 p.m., 6:15 Chicago time). After a big meal, Ross and I relaxed in the hotel room watching some scenes from The Hangover before going to sleep (there was nothing on TV!). The nice part about being in an official race hotel is that most people are there to run the race so it was super quiet on our floor at night.

Race Day

I woke up at 5:30 a.m. for an 8:10 a.m. race start. Before every half I’ve gotten into the routine of waking up and doing an easy 9-10 min paced mile on the hotel treadmill to get my body moving early in the morning. I ate breakfast around 6:30 (half a bagel and oatmeal with my coffee), then got changed into all my winter gear. Looking out my hotel window I could tell the roads were wet but people were walking in the parking lot and not slipping so it was a good sign that they probably weren’t icy! I left my hotel at 7:30 and did my warm-up over to the start line, getting there by 7:45. I found my friends who were running the marathon just in time for it to start snowing like crazy on us; we got a photo in the elements then hid under a tent until about 10 minutes till start time to try to stay dry. I headed over to the start line at 8 a.m. and got into the corral between the 6 and 7 minute pace signs. I could see a pacer for a 3:05 marathon (this race was both a half and full) so I positioned myself just ahead of this group to start. Fortunately the snow let up for the start and standing in the corral I was quite warm with all the other people around me. It was funny to see how everyone had dressed. There were a lot of us in tights and long sleeves, but others were in shorts and tank tops; I know I always run cold so I made sure to layer up for the elements.

The gun went off and shortly after I crossed the starting line. I knew I’d have a tailwind or cross-wind for the first half of the race and more decline with the headwind coming in the second half and more incline when we started running west. The roads were wet but not slippery, but I stuck with the 3-hour group for the first couple miles to ease in; they were actually running a bit quicker than 3-hour pace (my first 2 miles with them were 6:40 and 6:43) but it’s possible the pacer knew the course well and how to run it. After we hit 6:43, I decided to make a move and try to see if I could push closer to 6:30 pace. It was a risk since the elements weren’t favorable, but no risk, no reward so I went for it. I saw Ross and his family cheering for me around 2.3 and this gave me a little extra burst of energy. Mile 3 was a 6:25 and my watch was actually very dead on with the mile markers at this point which was a nice change from some of the big city races I’ve done where sky-scrapers throw things off. Miles 4 and 5 were both at 6:32 and I had settled into a good rhythm, but could definitely feel my body getting a little tired. I tried to remind myself that I had under an hour left of hard running at this point. I took my first gel around 5.5 miles at a water station and that slowed mile 6 down a bit trying to get the gel down and drink at the same time; a lot of the water ended up on my hand which was freezing in the weather and I wish the aid station was a little longer so I could’ve grabbed a second cup to wash the gel down with. Mile 6 split 6:45 which I was expecting since I knew the aid station slowed me down a bit. I saw the family again shortly before the halfway point of the race and this helped propel me up the hill but I could tell I was getting tired and I could feel my hamstring starting to hurt. I started climbing up the hill that the 7-mile marker was on (there’s a really steep hill in a neighborhood at mile 7 and I knew about this from the last time I ran the race) and got passed by a woman who I had passed earlier. I hit mile 7 at 7:00 and was bummed to see my first 7 in front of a mile split for the race.

The pain in my hamstring started getting worse and worse and I felt like I was running with a straight leg on one side that wouldn’t bend. “Ugh. This sucks,” I said to myself, fully knowing at this point the PR was out the window (I was about 30 seconds ahead of a PR at the halfway point so not a huge buffer) and it became more about clawing my way to the finish. Mile 8 was mostly uphill and the sleet started to pelt us in the face with the headwind in this mile. It was adding insult to injury at this point and there were barely any crowds out. Because I was still ahead of the pace groups but had slowed down from the people I was running with, I was in no-man’s land for awhile, until I got passed by people left and right for the next couple of miles. That was not a good feeling and I felt embarrassed. “They probably think I went out too hard and am just bonking,” I thought. I really slowed down and just tried to manage the pain at this point, getting pushed back by the strong wind and not being able to see with the sleet in my eyes. I considered stopping around mile 9 and just having someone come get me but kept moving because I didn’t want to quit since my family had come out to support me and also because it would be faster to finish than to wait for them in the cold to come find me in the middle of a neighborhood with closed roads.

Miles 8-11 were definitely the roughest into these conditions (7:26, 7:30, 7:55, 7:31) but once I hit 11 I knew I’d make it back. I took a gel at mile 10 and the same scenario with the water from the cup freezing my hand occurred; I think if I run a freezing race in the future that I will bring a handheld since this was not pleasant at all, especially with Raynaud’s where my fingers already go numb in the cold (I had handwarmers that helped a lot, fortunately). Mile 11 enters a trail and I was by myself for awhile here, just focusing on putting one foot in front of the other. Somewhere between mile 11 and mile 12 there was a pedestrian bridge on the trail and I started slipping and sliding and nearly ate it; I probably looked pretty comical to the people who were walking in the other direction towards me. Fortunately I stayed on my feet and the bridge was short but bridges hold ice more since they don’t have the warmth of the ground beneath them. This was the only slippery part on the course so in that sense we were quite lucky. By mile 12, I started passing people who were walking either the 5K or 10K to the finish. Mile 12 split was 7:33 and we got off of the trail around mile 12.5 and ran through downtown. I started picking it up at this point, starting to pass some people who had slowed down, and tried to focus on maintaining a harder effort to the finish. I hit mile 13 in 7:14 and then ran the last bit in a 6:10 pace, crossing the finish line in 1:32:51 officially, a 7:05 overall pace.

I was so happy to be done and was lucky that my family was at the finish with a car parked close by so I didn’t have to walk very far and could warm up. This was over a 4-min course PR for me in much worse conditions than the first time I ran it in 2018 (1:37:10) so that was a positive to take away from it, but I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed by the way everything transpired. By all accounts the weather was not favorable for racing but I think I could’ve held it together a little more had my hamstring not acted up; this is the same hamstring that has given me issues in the past and often rears its nasty head when I run hard in the cold (it seems to make it tight) so it wasn’t surprising, just more frustrating since I’ve done so much work to try to fix it including countless hours in the gym and PT exercises. I haven’t dealt with the pain this cycle other than the occasional flare-up but it just stinks it had to be on a race day.

Reflections and Moving Forward

I ended up running between the A and B goals for the first half of the race (officially 6:39 pace for the first 6.55 miles), and between the B and C goal for the overall race (7:05 pace vs goal marathon pace of 6:50-6:55). I know I did the best I could on the day that I was given (snowy, sleeting, 33 with a real feel of 25 and 10-15 mph sustained winds), but it was quite frustrating to wake up Sunday morning in Indy to 0 mph wind, sunny skies, and 35 degrees. The race ended up having over 300 feet of elevation gain and some true rolling hills which I must have blocked out of my memory from the first time I ran it but I’ve made note of it for the future this time. The marathon I’m running in Eugene has just over 400 feet of total elevation gain so that should feel really nice in comparison!

As I write this, Eugene is 20 days from today, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous. I know I’m in shape to run a strong marathon, but right now a little less confident with how I’m tracking to the sub-3 goal. Sub-3 has never been my “dream”, but it became a goal after running 3:07 in 2019 and realizing it could be possible in the future. I’ve been working hard towards it, pushing myself to see how far I can go, but trying not to put the pressure on for hitting a certain time to determine my worth as a runner since I learned the hard way on that during my Boston qualifying journey.

It’s a lot more fun to share recaps when races go well but only sharing those stories paints an unrealistic picture of what it’s like to be a runner. This cycle has been hard. I’ve been healthy for it which is a huge positive but I haven’t had any one long run workout that I’ve thought, “yep, I nailed that one.” This is largely due to the fact that I haven’t actually had any ideal running conditions on a long-run in general this whole cycle! It’s been nuts! It’s been super cold, wet, and windy for nearly every long run and on most of my speed workout days as well. It’s made it difficult to gauge fitness, so I’m hoping to get a better read on that in the next couple of weeks with it warming up now. I’m hoping sub-3 is still in the cards, but I’ll also be happy if I feel strong from start to finish on marathon day even if it’s not quite there yet. This isn’t me throwing in the towel on the goal, I still really want it, but I also want to run a smart race for where I’m at.

My hamstring is improving but we’re keeping this week easy until a bigger long-run workout this weekend to let it loosen up and feel better. I still have a bigger mileage week ahead and am looking forward to one more opportunity to test the fitness this weekend before tapering hard for marathon day. Truthfully, the taper can’t come soon enough after this wild weather we’ve had all winter long and into a fake spring!